Office romances are endemic in the legal profession. I see them constantly with my patients. Why is there so much fooling around at law firms? Triangulation. A partner in a couple “triangulates” – looking to a third party to replace what’s missing in his relationship. For lawyers, that boils down to time spent together. One [...]
Archive for April, 2010
Where you eat
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged exploitation, hook-ups, law firm sex, office romance, role confusion on April 28, 2010 | 22 Comments »
You’ve got to stop your vagabond ways
Posted in Thoughts and Musings, tagged best self, home, house, safety, Stability on April 25, 2010 | 9 Comments »
A reader wrote recently to ask about the effect of multiple moves on a child. It got me thinking about the concept of “home.” There’s no more powerful trope in human society. “Home” as a concept relates to the child you once were. It triggers a universal longing. The word resonates so strongly that real [...]
Not much of a talker
Posted in AskThePeople'sTherapistSeries, tagged expectation, prediction, resolving the transference, The Silent Patient, transference, treatment transference on April 23, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
This week’s question is from Gwynne. She wrote to say she might be interested in trying psychotherapy, but has a hesitation: What if I’m not much of a talker – at least when it comes to talking about me? An excellent question. Here’s my answer: To submit a question to Ask The People’s Therapist, please [...]
Get a job
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged affirmation, depression, job interviews, pleasers, unemployment on April 20, 2010 | 10 Comments »
I’ve written a fair amount about lawyers at the office in this column. Right now a lot of lawyers aren’t at the office. They’re at home, out of work. Unemployment is tough on lawyers because they tend to be pleasers – they have to be, to earn the grades to make it into law school. [...]
What would Albert Einstein do?
Posted in Thoughts and Musings, tagged constant, David D. Meyerhofer, einstein, equation, imposing a narrative, physics, special relativity, variable on April 18, 2010 | 2 Comments »
My patient was upset. Another girl had dumped him when everything seemed to be going well. “What is it about me? They always disappear like that. I try to be a nice person, but something I’m doing chases them away.” This patient was making a fundamental scientific error – he was imposing a narrative onto [...]
It’s a heartache
Posted in AskThePeople'sTherapistSeries, tagged anxiety, childhood, heartache, loneliness, parental separation on April 16, 2010 | 6 Comments »
I received another challenging question this week, from Carl. He sent it to me via video, so without further ado, here’s Carl’s question: And here’s my answer: Thanks to all of you who have sent in and continue to send in questions. I will be tackling one each week. If I answer your question, I [...]
No rest for the weary
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged downtime, Ernst Kris, regression in the service of the ego, rest on April 14, 2010 | 8 Comments »
My lawyer clients sometimes arrive at my office complaining about their awful work hours. They talk about how worn out they are, how they pulled all-nighters, came in on weekends, etc. Other times they come in with a different complaint – there’s nothing to do. Why would that be a problem? Couldn’t they just relax [...]
Ask. Tell.
Posted in Current Events, Thoughts and Musings, tagged coming out, DADT, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Dr. Martin Luther King, gay, gays in the military, lesbian, LGBT, Lt. Dan Choi, sexual orientation on April 11, 2010 | 3 Comments »
Sometimes I feel like I might be the greatest therapist in the world. Like when I help a gay person out of the closet. The results are amazing. If I could put what happens to a gay person when he comes out of the closet into a bottle and sell it, I’d be a multimillionaire. [...]
Our first winner – and a tough question
Posted in AskThePeople'sTherapistSeries, tagged AskThePeople'sTherapistSeries, family, I-Statement, leading with your feelings, questions on April 10, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Thank you to everyone who sent in questions! I’ve received so many good, interesting – and challenging – questions that I’ve decided to go ahead and create a new weekly feature – “Ask the People’s Therapist” – and answer one question every week. Here’s our first winning question – it’s a tough one – along [...]
Maybe you’re not cut out for this place
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged being a victim, conscious choice, non-legal careers, re-framing, unconscious living on April 7, 2010 | 36 Comments »
It seems like the cruelest thing they could say to you, but according to lawyers I work with as a therapist, they say it all the time: Maybe you’re not cut out for this place. There are variations, of course. There’s the old favorite: Maybe you’re not cut out for this work. Or – to [...]
Gay parents adopting kids
Posted in Radio, tagged gay adoption, LA Talk Radio, Radio, Terry LeGrand, The Alternative on April 5, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
We had so much fun together last month on LATalkRadio, that Terry LeGrand, the host of “The Alternative,” invited me back to do a regular feature on the show. This month I discussed the special role gay adoptive parents play in the lives of children (see this article for more information.) To hear this month’s [...]
Does my therapist have to look like me?
Posted in Intriguing Patients, Thoughts and Musings, tagged African-American, American Sign Language, ASL, Cantonese, choosing a therapist, Clarence Thomas, deaf, diversity, ethnicity, Japanese-speaking psychotherapist, race, Thurgood Marshall, transgender on April 3, 2010 | 1 Comment »
Towards the end of a session a while back, one of my patients, who was African-American, laughed out loud, like he was sharing a personal joke. “What’s so funny?” I asked. “Oh, I don’t know. I still can’t get over the fact that my therapist is a white guy.” I shrugged and smiled – there [...]
Big contest! Exciting prizes!
Posted in AskThePeople'sTherapistSeries, tagged Contest, prizes on April 1, 2010 | 1 Comment »
A major announcement from The Peoples’ Therapist: Please submit your questions – either in an ordinary email or, if you’re feeling creative, a video – to wmeyerhofer@aquietroom.com. I’ll give them a look-over. If your question is chosen, you will see it up on ThePeoplesTherapist.com, along with my answer, and you will win ONE FREE SESSION [...]
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