An interesting question that touches on some basic Freudian theory:
I’ve been reading your blog for the past few months and I really enjoy it. I hope you can help with this problem that has completely stumped me.
Eight years ago I left an abusive relationship. In general things are much better now, I don’t have nightmares anymore, and it doesn’t generally affect me on a day to day basis. Or so I thought.
I have a deep hatred for one of my coworkers that I was never really able to explain. It suddenly occurred to me that he reminds me of my abusive ex. That is, he reminds me of the way my abusive ex appears when you first meet him. Friendly but in a really jokey way, a little awkward, a little self involved. They’re like twins, on the surface. I try to tell myself that this does not mean he’s like my ex once you really get to know him, but it doesn’t help. I hate him. And now that I’ve realized why I hate him I only hate him more.
What can I do about this? I’d like to stop hating him but if I can’t do that, how do I handle it?
Thank you for your help,
And here’s my answer:
To submit a question to Ask The People’s Therapist, please email it as text or a video to: firstname.lastname@example.org
If I answer your question on the site, you’ll win a free session of psychotherapy with The People’s Therapist!
Check out The People’s Therapist’s new book.