It’s hard to conjure up bad stuff to say about clerking. It’s an honor, and an all-expense-paid ticket on an exclusive legal gravy train. If you’re lucky enough to clerk for a federal district or circuit court judge, you can rest assured you’re looking good and feeling good. You might even shoot the moon and [...]
Archive for the ‘AboveTheLaw series’ Category
The Clerkship Archipelago
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged Antonin Scalia, circuit court, Clarence Thomas, clerking, clerkship, Constitutional Amendment, district court, fly-over country, gay marriage, Helena Bonham Carter, Koch Industries, Sarah Palin, Skype, Supreme Court, T.G.I. Friday's, Yale on February 1, 2012 | 170 Comments »
Frying pan
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged associate satisfaction, associate satisfaction surveys, changing law firms, emergency childcare, headhunters, law school on January 18, 2012 | 23 Comments »
At some point you have to get out of here. The question is when – and whither. A vacation might help, if you could achieve the impossible and take one. My client pulled off a week – seven whole days! – at a Caribbean resort, only to return feeling like a condemned prisoner. “It made [...]
Take my advice
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged Ann Landers, awareness, Blackberry, cardio exercise, condoms, Cosmo Magazine, Dear Abby, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Health and wellness, Id, Lexipro, physical exercise, Richard Simmons, sex therapy, Violent Femmes on January 4, 2012 | 10 Comments »
I’ve been talking to people – well, my people have been talking to people – about speaking engagements, radio shows, panels – celebrity stuff – the daily fodder of The People’s Therapist’s life of fame and glamour. One group wants me to teach a workshop for young attorneys on “health and wellness.” Well, okay. Whatever. [...]
Will’s Kids
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged Bernie Madoff, Columbia Law School, compassion fatigue, Harvard, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis Telethon, Jerry's Kids, Joseph P Shapiro, MDA, Muscular Dystrophy Association, No Pity, poster child, poster children on December 14, 2011 | 22 Comments »
It’s hard to generate sympathy for lawyers – especially when the group of people you’re milking for sympathy is other lawyers. At first glance, that seems counter-intuitive. I’m writing about your fellow attorneys, after all, and they’re in miserable straits. I feel sorry for them. I want to help. But then, I’m a bleeding heart [...]
Jungle Drums
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged candidate, conga line, dance the limbo, door-to-door salesman, exclusivity, Harvard, Harvard Law School, headhunters, legal job-hunting, legal search consultants, limbo pole, party, party animals, placements, real estate agent, S.O.L., shindig, silly horns, Sullivan & Cromwell, therapist, vacuum cleaner salesman, Yale Law School on November 30, 2011 | 12 Comments »
I received an offer recently that I couldn’t refuse – an invitation from “legal search consultants.” Headhunters! They were having a convention and asked if I wanted to drop by, and, you know, say hi. Vague images flitted through my mind – guys in suits dancing in a conga line wearing hats with silly horns. [...]
The Haves and The Have-nots
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged aptitude, begging, Caste system, Dalit, Gambia, Heidi Klum, hunger, intestinal parasites, job offer, Latvian, law jobs, law school, LSAT, maritime law, Oxfam, perma-debt, poverty, Riga, Shearman & Sterling, Sullivan & Cromwell, summer programs, Untouchables on November 9, 2011 | 80 Comments »
It’s mid-September. I’m talking with a client , a 3L at a top-tier school. “Here’s how it works,” she explains. “There’s the have’s and the have-nots. Either you have a job offer, or you don’t. If you don’t, it sucks. You feel like an illegal alien.” Unfortunately, she’s a have-not. Yes, she’s working to correct [...]
A Little White Lie
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged Adolph Eichmann, billable hours, billables, churning, hours, litigation, settlement, Sullivan & Cromwell on November 2, 2011 | 41 Comments »
I tell the truth in these columns – at least, to the degree I find convenient or advisable. There is such a thing as a surfeit of veracity. My clients are lawyers, so god help me if I record something a little too candid with regard to their doings. Just talking about myself raises issues. [...]
The Dæmon Lover
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged biglaw, British accent, British guy, CLE Training, Hugh Grant, infatuation, romantic infatuation on October 26, 2011 | 20 Comments »
If it’s happened to you, keep reading. If it hasn’t, keep reading anyway. It happens a lot. It begins with the standard set-up. You feel trapped. Hate your life. Nerves shot. Self-esteem shredded. You know the drill: biglaw. That’s when the dæmon lover appears. It doesn’t end well. There’s biglaw hanky-panky and biglaw sexual harassment. [...]
The Other Half
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged couples counseling, doc review, Occupy Wall Street, Communist, Dickensian, ninety-nine percent, Warren Buffett on October 19, 2011 | 17 Comments »
As The People’s Therapist, my door is always open. I don’t turn away poor clients. “Pay whatever you can afford,” I tell them. Naturally, they get what they pay for. If I’m a little sleepy, or staring at the clock – who are they to complain? Come to think of it, why do we have [...]
Should You Tell Them?
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged 2L's, Evil & Evil, hiking, Iceland, interviews on October 12, 2011 | 41 Comments »
I was hiking in Iceland this past summer. We were pretty high up – around 1,000 meters – and it was raining hard, high wind, snow on the ground. “Damn, it’s cold,” grumbled one of my American companions. An Englishman behind us stumbled over a patch of frozen volcanic ash. “There’s a clue in the [...]
Straight Allies
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged gay, LGBT, life-partner, non-lawyers, relationships on June 22, 2011 | 17 Comments »
LGBT people confront widespread hatred, yet each year take new strides towards equality. What’s the secret? “Straight allies” – a concept every lawyer needs to understand. As an LGBT person, you face a stark reality – there aren’t many of us. It might not seem like it, but we’re a tiny minority. And it’s a [...]
Dancing the pole
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged Abraham Lincoln, associate development, capitalists, diversity, doc review, hookers, Karl Marx, means of production, petite bourgeoisie, pole dancing, proletariat, prostitutes, sex work, solo practitioner on June 15, 2011 | 52 Comments »
My client’s concise estimate of her second year at a big law firm: “Meh.” For months, the “career” consisted of 1/3 idleness, 1/3 word-processing, and 1/3 pointless research. That morphed over time into “managing” doc review, which morphed into doing doc review, which translated into odious hours staring at odious documents on a computer and [...]
A Little “Me Time”
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged alcoholism, Angry Birds, Blackberry, clerkship, getting high, marijuana, maternity leave, rageaholic, substance abuse on June 8, 2011 | 44 Comments »
My client wasn’t getting enough sleep. I assumed it was insomnia, but that didn’t fit the bill. It wasn’t that she couldn’t sleep – it was that she wouldn’t sleep. She was staying up from 11 pm to 2 am, lying in bed – mostly, playing Angry Birds. Those few hours were the only time [...]
Brain Dead
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged brine shrimp, David Foster Wallace, Dune, Frederik Pohl, Freedom, Infinite Jest, iPad, Isaac Asimov, John LeCarre, Jonathan Franzen, Kindle, krill, Kurt Vonnegut, Monty Python, plankton on June 1, 2011 | 41 Comments »
There’s slow at the office. Then there’s moribund. Like, stick a fork in it, parrot in the Monty Python skit, no longer viable, kaput, over and out, flat-lining…dead dead dead. Like you haven’t recorded a billable hour in weeks. Like you show up at 10:30 am, slide your Kindle under your computer monitor and try [...]
All that and then some
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged blind justice, bond traders, esq., JP Morgan, Liar's Poker, MD, pretension, Sullivan & Cromwell on May 25, 2011 | 46 Comments »
To judge by the accoutrements of “the profession,” lawyers, as a group, maintain an inflated self-image. They think they’re all that. It’s easy to get sucked into this mind-set – especially fresh out of law school. Perhaps, when you’re not “thinking like a lawyer,” you’ve spent a few minutes admiring the little “Esq.” printed after [...]
Oh…that
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged hanky-panky, Human Resources, sex, sexual harassment, sleaze on May 18, 2011 | 42 Comments »
Associates at big law firms don’t normally burn out right away. They arrive bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, raring to go. This is their moment! Grasp the golden ring! If you look closely, though, you’ll notice a few poor souls who burn out immediately – sometimes within a few weeks. These folks look awful almost from Day [...]
A little chat
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged Don Corleone, horse's head, pro bono, sleeping with the fishes, Sullivan & Cromwell, The Godfather on May 11, 2011 | 55 Comments »
Some big law firms are like the mob. They do ugly things, but prefer to avoid “ugliness.” The partners, like the capos of major crime families, have delicate constitutions. Ugliness could result from ill-considered communication. For that reason, a capo – or a partner – isn’t going to tell you what he really thinks. That [...]
The Nice Ones
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged der Führerbunker, Gil Cornblum, lawtistic, Sullivan & Cromwell on April 27, 2011 | 62 Comments »
I raced downstairs to break the news: I’m leaving. I got a new, non-legal job at a major online book-seller. The reception at the firm gym wasn’t what I expected. My favorite trainer looked pensive, mumbled “good for you, man,” then gave me a half-hearted fist bump. The other two trainers, both women, exchanged looks. [...]
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