My client’s concise estimate of her second year at a big law firm: “Meh.” For months, the “career” consisted of 1/3 idleness, 1/3 word-processing, and 1/3 pointless research. That morphed over time into “managing” doc review, which morphed into doing doc review, which translated into odious hours staring at odious documents on a computer and [...]
Archive for the ‘AboveTheLaw series’ Category
Dancing the pole
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged Abraham Lincoln, associate development, capitalists, diversity, doc review, hookers, Karl Marx, means of production, petite bourgeoisie, pole dancing, proletariat, prostitutes, sex work, solo practitioner on June 15, 2011 | 53 Comments »
A Little “Me Time”
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged alcoholism, Angry Birds, Blackberry, clerkship, getting high, marijuana, maternity leave, rageaholic, substance abuse on June 8, 2011 | 44 Comments »
My client wasn’t getting enough sleep. I assumed it was insomnia, but that didn’t fit the bill. It wasn’t that she couldn’t sleep – it was that she wouldn’t sleep. She was staying up from 11 pm to 2 am, lying in bed – mostly, playing Angry Birds. Those few hours were the only time [...]
Brain Dead
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged brine shrimp, David Foster Wallace, Dune, Frederik Pohl, Freedom, Infinite Jest, iPad, Isaac Asimov, John LeCarre, Jonathan Franzen, Kindle, krill, Kurt Vonnegut, Monty Python, plankton on June 1, 2011 | 41 Comments »
There’s slow at the office. Then there’s moribund. Like, stick a fork in it, parrot in the Monty Python skit, no longer viable, kaput, over and out, flat-lining…dead dead dead. Like you haven’t recorded a billable hour in weeks. Like you show up at 10:30 am, slide your Kindle under your computer monitor and try [...]
All that and then some
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged blind justice, bond traders, esq., JP Morgan, Liar's Poker, MD, pretension, Sullivan & Cromwell on May 25, 2011 | 46 Comments »
To judge by the accoutrements of “the profession,” lawyers, as a group, maintain an inflated self-image. They think they’re all that. It’s easy to get sucked into this mind-set – especially fresh out of law school. Perhaps, when you’re not “thinking like a lawyer,” you’ve spent a few minutes admiring the little “Esq.” printed after [...]
Oh…that
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged hanky-panky, Human Resources, sex, sexual harassment, sleaze on May 18, 2011 | 42 Comments »
Associates at big law firms don’t normally burn out right away. They arrive bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, raring to go. This is their moment! Grasp the golden ring! If you look closely, though, you’ll notice a few poor souls who burn out immediately – sometimes within a few weeks. These folks look awful almost from Day [...]
A little chat
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged Don Corleone, horse's head, pro bono, sleeping with the fishes, Sullivan & Cromwell, The Godfather on May 11, 2011 | 55 Comments »
Some big law firms are like the mob. They do ugly things, but prefer to avoid “ugliness.” The partners, like the capos of major crime families, have delicate constitutions. Ugliness could result from ill-considered communication. For that reason, a capo – or a partner – isn’t going to tell you what he really thinks. That [...]
The Nice Ones
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged der Führerbunker, Gil Cornblum, lawtistic, Sullivan & Cromwell on April 27, 2011 | 62 Comments »
I raced downstairs to break the news: I’m leaving. I got a new, non-legal job at a major online book-seller. The reception at the firm gym wasn’t what I expected. My favorite trainer looked pensive, mumbled “good for you, man,” then gave me a half-hearted fist bump. The other two trainers, both women, exchanged looks. [...]
The Provider
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged Bronxville, Cheever, Greenwich, La-Z-Boy, Mad Men, The Bahamas, Updike on April 20, 2011 | 103 Comments »
Every guy with a family feels the urge to pack a bag, get in the car and drive. At least, sometimes. A client told me that – a straight guy with kids. I don’t think it’s a straight thing, though. It might not be a guy thing, either. It can be a lawyer thing. Any [...]
Hipster and Lawyer
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged Grateful Dead, Herbie Hancock, Phish, Porsche, Sullivan & Cromwell, Trey Anastasio on April 6, 2011 | 85 Comments »
Two guys from my high school. One year apart. Hipster…and Lawyer. Hipster plays in jazz band with Lawyer. They have the same academic advisor, and fall into a casual friendship. Hipster has trouble in school. He plays drums and guitar, but struggles to maintain the grades. It’s nothing to do with behavior – everyone likes [...]
The Calm Center
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged 9/11, Beijing University, Brahms, Canada, gym, Lou Ferrigno, Merce Cunningham, Mr. Spock, Sullivan & Cromwell, Wagner, weight-lifting, weight-training, Yoda on March 30, 2011 | 12 Comments »
My tenure at Sullivan & Cromwell ended – along with my legal career – in a smoking crater. Picture scorched earth. Nuclear armageddon. The fat lady sang. That said, I actually got off to a pretty good start. At least for the first couple weeks. I was assigned to a rather jolly partner, fresh back [...]
Not Horrible
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged headhunter, junior associate, law school, law school loans on March 23, 2011 | 102 Comments »
I asked a client how things were going at work – or not-going. She’s a junior at a big firm where it’s been dead slow for the whole year she’s been there and partners are starting to flee. “Not horrible,” she said. That’s a not-uncommon sentiment from to people in her position. As a junior, [...]
Working for The Man
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged Big Tobacco, Bill Gates, Darth Vader, Death Star, evil, FTC, SEC, Sullivan & Cromwell, wealth on March 16, 2011 | 54 Comments »
In law, if you’re making big money, you’re working for the bad guys. That’s the sad truth. I’m not talking about defending vicious criminals. I mean tougher cases – like representing the 1% of the world who own everything. Deep in the recesses of big law, you might not realize who you’re working for. From [...]
I Demand the Answer
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged lifestyle firm, Sullivan, Sullivan & Cromwell on March 9, 2011 | 64 Comments »
I receive a steady stream of disaffected lawyers who want to change careers. They come to me for “the answer.” The question is “how do I get out of law and do something different?” What gets under my skin is the expectation this is going to be easy. It isn’t. Remaining in law and looking [...]
Stay away from the Pet Cemetery
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged group psychotherapy, Pet Sematary, psychotherapy, selling out, Stephen King, zombies on March 2, 2011 | 33 Comments »
There’s a terrific opening scene in Stephen King’s novel, “Pet Sematary.” I don’t read a lot of Stephen King novels. That’s not because I dismiss his skill as a writer. It’s because they scare the hell out of me. In this one, the main character is a young doctor. He’s on his first day at [...]
Better Get an Expert
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged '40 Act, AIG, CLE, environmental lawyers, ERISA lawyers, IRS, LLM, opinion letter, tax, tax code, tax law, tax lawyers on February 16, 2011 | 14 Comments »
I’ve always been awestruck by tax lawyers. They are the dudes. As a transactional attorney, you can’t make a move without a tax guy. M&A is based on IRS consequences. It’s the tax guy who hands you a chart with boxes and arrows, holding companies and off-shore limited partnerships buying and selling and re-selling and [...]
You do law. No, YOU do law.
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged alliance, couples counseling, divorce, graduate school, husband, marriage, opposition, partnership, shared goal, wife on February 2, 2011 | 44 Comments »
My client is in the horns of an uncomfortable dilemma. Here’s the scenario: He and his wife are both in law, and both want out. Resources exist to permit one to escape. The other must remain behind to pay loans. Who makes it to freedom? Who gets left behind? Arriving at that decision can wreak [...]
Call of the Wild
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged AboveTheLaw.com, Alt Transport, Australia, baby penguin, Breaking Media, David Attenborough, Dealbreaker, Fashionista, gazelles, Going Concern, lion, making partner on January 26, 2011 | 45 Comments »
I’ll never forget a moment in a wildlife program about Antarctic penguins – I think it was a David Attenborough series. There were two little penguin parents and a penguin chick. Then, suddenly, there wasn’t. The chick fell into a crack in the ice. The little guy squeaked for all he was worth, the parents [...]
Your Dark Lord
Posted in AboveTheLaw series, tagged arrogance, Blackberry, Harry Potter, horcrux, J.K. Rowling, narcissism, partner, Voldemort on January 19, 2011 | 31 Comments »
I was chuckling with a client the other day about the insanity of trying to please a partner with a piece of written work. The trick, she said – I’ve heard this before – is to adopt the voice of the partner. That’s what he wants – something that sounds like him. It doesn’t matter [...]
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