My patient, a senior associate doing IP litigation at a downtown firm, brought me the bad news.
“I got a terrible review last week.”
She seemed calm about it, considering. That’s because she knows how law firms work.
“I’m expensive, and they’re preparing for lay-offs. So they told me I’m terrible. It was ridiculous. They made stuff up off the top of their heads.”
I had to hand it to her. I wish I could have been so cool when the same thing happened to me.
My first year review at Sullivan & Cromwell went fine. Mostly, they didn’t seem to notice me. I wasn’t important enough to review.
Then, in the second year, it was suddenly a horror show. Nothing I did was right. The partners didn’t fool around at S&C – they give it to you with a sledgehammer.
Even then, I remember wondering about that one partner who seemed to like me. Of course, he wasn’t mentioned at the review.
Years later, after I’d given up on a legal career, I realized the truth. They’d probably given identical reviews to ten or fifteen percent of my class that year. We were the ones who left. It was a lay-off. Those terrible reviews were the partners’ way of creating a paper trail in preparation for letting us go – covering their tracks in case we sued.
My patient – an experienced senior associate at her second law firm job – knew how to handle this sort of thing. You don’t let them throw you.
She admitted to feeling shaken when she walked out of that office, and for a few days she didn’t tell anyone about it – just kept the feelings inside. It was painful, after all the late nights and hard work, to hear them say terrible things about her, and initially it triggered feelings of shame. But she caught herself, and managed to snap out of it. She called me up for a therapy appointment, opened up about the ordeal, and decided then and there that she would call a headhunter and begin setting up interviews. She was resolved to get out of that place ASAP and go somewhere else where she could be appreciated for the work she did.
Unfortunately, for every cool customer like that patient, there are about a dozen weeping young over-achievers who show up at my psychotherapy office utterly devastated by this sort of review. They’ve spent their entire lives at the top of their classes in school, bringing apples to delighted teachers – and suddenly they fail to please.
A few months ago I listened sympathetically to a fourth-year associate who’d received the review from hell. He was bemoaning his inadequacy as a human being, when I decided I’d heard enough and spoke up:
“You went to Yale. You were in the top fifth of your class. You did litigation at Cravath before you even showed up at this firm. You’re a brilliant classical pianist and smart, interesting, terrific guy. When did you suddenly become incapable?”
Something started to creep back into his face. It looked like self-respect. All I’d done was remind him who he was.
Don’t fall for the bad review routine. It’s a crock. And it can hurt you. When you are beaten up like that, but don’t feel you can fight back, the anger can turn inward and devastate your self-esteem, resulting in depression. That can lead to self-punitive behavior and even suicidal thoughts.
Stop that process before it begins. Enforce a self-barrier, a piece of emotional insulation between you and those evil partners. You might not always be right – but aren’t always wrong, either.
A balanced review is just that – balanced. It is the job of managers to motivate you by pointing out your positives as well as your areas of weakness.
If they don’t – you have to fall back on your own self-knowledge, and belief in who you are. Never lose hold of that.
You know who you are. You know what you can do.
========
This piece is part of a series of columns presented by The People’s Therapist in cooperation with AboveTheLaw.com. My thanks to ATL for their help with the creation of this series.
If you enjoy these columns, please check out The People’s Therapist’s new book, Way Worse Than Being A Dentist: The Lawyer’s Quest for Meaning
I also heartily recommend my first book, an introduction to the concepts behind psychotherapy, Life is a Brief Opportunity for Joy
(Both books are also available on bn.com and the Apple iBookstore.)
That is very good advice, thanks.
What about advice for how one should address it while in the situation of receiving a unwarranted poor performance review?
You can try to stand up for yourself, but it’s pretty much a ritualized prearranged performance. Your best bet is to hang in there, politely thank them, and leave. Then really leave.
One strategy might be to “go public” with it. Shout from the highest rooftops how unfairly you are being treated, pursuant to your “Section 7” rights. (See website.) Tell EVERYBODY in the workplace how unfairly you are being treated, cast in the context of speaking on a matter of employee concern (such as workplace morale, equitable and fair treatment, etc.). If fired, claim that it was in retaliation for asserting your rights under 29 USC 157 and file a complaint with the NLRB. This strategem has a better chance of succeeding if you are able to “strike first” and assert your rights before you are surprised with the poor review. Of course, employers know this, which explains why targeted employees are always “shocked” and “surprised” with a bad review. They never saw it coming because employers are afraid that if an employee knew it was coming s/he might adopt such protective and prophylactic tactics as an interventional “first strike.” Meet with your regional NLRB attorney to discuss your options.
This is wonderful advice. My law firm gaslighted me like this after I had a baby (and took a whole 3 weeks off), notwithstanding three years of highest-billables-in-the-department and top of the class reviews. It’s been four years and I am STILL not over it. Thanks for a very moving piece.
Funny, the exact thing happened to me. I just took a 6 week maternity leave but still managed to bill over 150 hours during my maternity leave. All law firms are the same – they suck.
I really appreciated this blog entry, being in a similar position at the moment. Some of your other blog entries were also very helpful in finding my own self-knowledge to get back on the horse and not take this crap personally. It must feel good to have a job where you actually help people!
Thanks for the kind words. I love my work. I’m glad I’ve been able to help you, in some small way, to remember who you are and what you can do!
Been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. The key to surviving in BIGLAW, and surviving after BIGLAW kicks you out, is not to allow your identity (and self-esteem) to become synonymous with the BIGLAW firm where you work. Unfortunately, most high-achieving law school grads do this, and when 9 out of 10 are given the Heisman, it takes years to recover from the idea that you could be thrown away like so much garbage after all of your hard work in school and giving the best years of your life to the firm (i.e., the 5 years between 25 and 30).
On the other hand, if you use BIGLAW to the same degree it uses you, namely, you “play” for the highest “pay,” pay off your student loans in the first 2-3 years, and build up a nest egg (a friend calls this FU money), you’ll be just fine. Having no debt and a couple hundred grand in the bank gives you options, especially if you have an Ivy League law degree. You just need the courage to leave when you begin to realize that partnership is not in the cards for you. Don’t hang onto the sinking ship of your BIGLAW partnership prospects. You’ll just drown in self-pity when it doesn’t happen and you’re escorted out by security carrying a box of your worthless crap.
In my case, I landed in house with a Fortune 500 and now have partners kissing my ass (including some of the partners at my old BIGLAW firm who booted me out). Gotta love the irony.
Good for you! Well done. The People’s Therapist approves.
Thank you for posting this comment. And HUGE thank you to the Poeple’s Therapist for your consistently thoughtful and insightful articles. I really enjoy reading them and I feel like I’m learning a lot that will help me in the future. I am a 3L at Berkeley Law about to go into Biglaw and it’s a relief that I’m not the only person out there already with an “exit strategy” out of the Biglaw world I’m about to enter. I’ll follow your advice: 2 years to pay off loans, then build a nest egg until I can safely get out. Everyone deserves to be happy in themselves and in their work environment. Kudos to you both.
Great blog entry. Of course, the hard question is how to build back the self-esteem if you allowed the negative experience to tear you apart. When the world feels like it is out to destroy you, finding a light to follow is damned hard.
Finding some support is essential. Don’t isolate! You’re not alone.
Take the torch that would you love to burn down your old BIGLAW firm with and use it to light your way. If you can’t focus on your own happiness, use your anger as fuel to prove your old BIGLAW firm wrong. Make sure you are so successful that they’ll be silently kicking themselves for giving you the Heisman. [Note: This will require the partners put aside their own egos, but being in a position to hire or fire your old firm can humble even the most arrogant partner].
Great advice. I wish I had been strong enough and self-reliant enough to do seek out qualified therapists and assistance when I was f’d over by my academic department where I was tenure-track. Much like law firms, when a university department wants you gone they will use any means necessary. In my case, after 3 years of positive reviews and forward progress on my part 1 or 2 old guard faculty members decided they wanted me out. They recruited graduate students and undergraduate students to write letters of complaint and tried to get other students to sign the letters. The other students didn’t, because they didn’t agree. The department changed its mind about the appropriateness of the projects I was working on and as a last result violated the university’s procedural process for “firing” me. Faculty who had acted as pseudo-mentors stood by silently while this was happening, neither supporting me nor providing me with a heads-up.
While I was mad enough to appeal the decision (and win, based on the process violation), I was also self-critical enough to believe that the complaints had merit. Maybe I WAS a shitty professor who shouldn’t be teaching. If I was a bad professor (as in ever made a mistake), then I had no grounds to sue. I also made the mistake of staying in a highly toxic environment where I was shunned (my office was moved from the middle of the department faculty to one closer to another department). I let that experience (and those pathetic d-bags) almost destroy me.
Thanks again for this belated and still needed message.
Thanks for taking the time to share your experiences. I’ve been getting a lot of mail about this post. I hope everyone will have the courage to post publicly so we can all see we’re not the only ones who’ve been through something like this.
I got routed to this entry via Above the Law. I’ve been “hiding” this experience from my friends (and from my readers, I suppose) for over a year and a half. I had a similar experience happen just before I got laid-off. I still recall feedback I received: that I made the other partners uncomfortable (hmm…because I’m gay?) and that I was fidgety. Fidgety?
Time to air this already. Gonna take your prescription and use today’s post to vet these emotions. Thanks, doc.
Will! Will…. I worked for Estee Lauder for 7 years (my first corporate job) then went
on to Revlon for 5. Left that industry for fashion and started my own business 25 years ago.
And I to this very evening dream those far away corridors stinking of expensive perfumes –
and blood. You lawyer types – bet your dreams are GOOD too!?! Do they EVER stop? XOX J.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if someday, all employment reviews that are negative with little in the way of positive reinforcements be classified under “hostile work environment.” One would think that in the 21st century, we would have established more ethical workplace standards that would enhance the legal business world for the good. And for the good of the legal profession who are supposedly filled with top-schooled thinkers.
Anyone who needs convincing these work environments should and can die out should read “The No A–hole Rule”(my dashes) by Bob Sutton. Brilliant.
And yes, brilliant post, Will.
-LN
I actually had “the goods” on a couple of the partners in my old firm who contributed to my getting the Heisman (extramarital affairs with associates and clients). Could I have outed them to their wives? You bet. Unfortunately, doing so wouldn’t have saved me, and probably would have sunk my career.
Thought-provoking post.
I found it interesting that your approach with the patient in question was to “remind him who he is.” By doing so, didn’t you validate the very metric he had been using to gauge his achievements, the same metric that all A-type apple-bringers use? And isn’t their use of that metric, or at least their excessive reliance on it, a substantial cause of their problems in the first place?
“Who he is” doesn’t necessarily refer to someone whose job is to please others. “Who he is” refers to the authentic self. The metric is the best, most authentic self.
Wow, sadly so much of this rings true for me. Towards the end of 2008, I received a negative review. It was ridiculous. Just 4 months earlier the firm sent me on a 2-week boondoggle for extensive training, clearly an investment (of over $20;) in my future. Anyway, the review included negative remarks by one partner for whom I had done all of TEN hours of work (i.e., ONE research assingment–for which I never received any feedback at the time) during the course of the year. Yet that was what the entire review revolved around.
Rather than take many people’s advice, I decided to try to turn things around and cling to that job, given that the legal job market was already sinking fast. I worked my ass off for 6 months, taking on as much work as possible and producing near-flawless work. Everyone whom I worked with was impressed and told me as much on a regular basis. But come time for my next review, they lowered the gauntlet and let me go. I asked questions like, Didn’t you talk to so-and-so and what did so-and-so say, and they were very vague, “Oh yeah, he thought you were adequate but nothing special.” It was clear they didn’t even talk to these people.
Anyway, it was troubling and I did actually seek therapy at that time, which was somewhat helpful, but couldn’t overcome the fact that I was looking for work in a very difficult environment. I finally secured a position in a less than ideal circumstance, but at least the folks here appreciate me and let me know. It’s definitely helping to build the confidence back up.
But believe me, I am still bitter as hell towards the old firm. I feel like because of their whim, my entire legal career has been essentially derailed….
stumbled in from ATL. I needed to read this. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your kindness. I hadn’t ever thought about it this way. I know very well what it is like to have your young bright law career derailed by impersonal forces acting with personal cruelty on you. I was told I was smug and lacked self-confidence in the same breath! When I was let go shortly thereafter (predictably, in retrospect) I did the holing up isolation thing. It’s been almost two years and I’m just starting to re-emerge at all with a new solo practice. Shame sucks. I wish I could have read this long ago, but I’m so glad I got to read it now.
hello – information is great. It’s very encouraging, but a little difficult to read aesthetically.
[…] about a bad review on The People’s Therapist prompted me to come clean today. See, I was slated to be let go before the firm started […]
This post made me cry. And it happened to me exactly the same way–expected reviews first year, slammed out the second year–even though I was above goal and was # 2 on the associate billing list. They led me on like this for eight months. Eight months that I thought, if I keep billing high and get no write offs, I’ll be safe! I beat myself up every day and believed the crap they fed me. But one day I woke up and saw the writing on the wall and accepted the next job offer that came along. I’ve been at the new job for three months and am happier as a lawyer than I ever have been. Thanks so much for writing this and validating that I’m not “the worst lawyer” my former boss ever worked with.
[…] Fighting back from a bad review My patient, a senior associate doing IP litigation at a downtown firm, brought me the bad news. “I got a terrible […] […]
Here is what I did when my firm tried to pull that nonsense: I stood up and told the partner to go f_ck himself and walked out. I got the same “severance” as the rest, but I didn’t listen to their garbage.
funny – an experience like this is what sent me into law school in the first place. i had a job in an accounting firm before i started school, and the second a new partner joined our group, my previously-sterling reviews PLUMMETED in quality. it was hostile, it was personal, and it happened fast. before long, i only had one ally left in our very small practice group. i saw the writing on the wall, and as soon as i got my acceptance to a good school, i turned in my notice almost three months early, then got the hell out of dodge as soon as possible.
in a weird way, i’m grateful to that jerk – valuable experience for someone about to enter the legal world. i’m not scared of partners; i’ve been through the worst already.
I read this entry at an opportune time. I just received a bad review at my litigation firm. I took responsibility for some less than stellar briefs I prepared, but then had to listen to a blast about other things: my lack of hours, personal life and the fact that I hold conversations with the partner as if part of a team. In order, hours: I was told that my biggest fault was that I was an “honest biller.” Seriously. Wow. Enough said about that one. Regarding my personal life, they surmised out loud to me because I am newly married and just bought a house (in 2008), that my focus is incorrectly on my personal life. I was told that my job should be my number one focus in life. (Side note: When I got married, one of my bosses told me that he didn’t like the way my newly hyphenated name looked on my email signature line and I should change my name back. I told him he had no say in the matter). Finally, for the “best” part of the review, the other partner told me it annoyed him when I verbally responded to him when he was talking to me about a case, i.e., what to do next, strategy, etc. He said he didn’t want me to say anything at all in response to his statements to me. Can you say narcissistic? I was so degraded. And angry because they crossed so many lines. I punched my steering wheel on the way home, and somewhat wished for a car accident so I wouldn’t have to go into work today. But I’m here, knowing that my life is so much better than theirs if they are so miserable that they have to review my personal life and the fact that I converse with the partner! I did what I do when I question my worth (a somewhat regular occurrence in this line of work): I write 5 things I’m thankful for. Through my puffy eyes this morning, I also wrote a list of the things I’m going to do to find a new job. Getting back that self-esteem is difficult and is a day-by-day struggle, but it feels good to feel in control of my life.
I realized, after about 10 years of practice, that I’m a good lawyer and a crappy employee. I’m slowly piecing together what I believe will be a productive solo career. That said, I was booted out of two Big Law places. The first time, I took the criticism very very hard. After getting a bad review in year one, I turned it around and got a pretty darn good one at the end of the second and was the lead associate on a lot of complex financing deals by the third. Yet, a few months after 9/11, when the economy (and my group) cratered, I was summarily dismissed. And I blubbered through my damned dismissal.
Fast forward a few years, and I’d gotten a tip that I was going to be dismissed from another big law job about 18 months ago. It was delightful, when the partners came in to sack me. They give this long wind up about this that and the other thing, the economy, the firm, whatever, and when they finally switch into “your fired and here’s the stuff you did wrong” I cut them off completely. “It’s California, you can sack me for any reason you want. Or no reason at all. But I am not going to listen to an indictment.”
Long pause. A bit of blubbering on their part. “We’re not here to indict you.”
“Great. Then we skip that part of the conversation.”
Errrrrr. Uhhhhh. Errrrrr. Then they cut into a discusion of my severance package. It was really marvelous to see them completely off their game.
I actually get along well enough with the two partners who sacked me — including the guy I think who engineered it — and a lot of it has to do with the way I left that meeting, having had *some* control over the conversation.
By the time that conversation occurs, you are already fired, and nothing you say in that meeting is going to change it. I’m still far more affected by the conversation I had in 2002 at my first firm that I was by the second, even though I think they had less reason to sack me from the first one. I was so blindsided, and so used to arguing my position, I thought it would help. With the second, I left with my self-respect in tact.
You aren’t going to be able to sue (in almost every case) but what you say isn’t really going to affect your position during your wind-down at the firm, so saying *something* to defend yourself even, “You can fire me and I’ll be a good citizen winding down, but this is risible bullshit” will make you spend a lot less time down the road thinking about what you could have said. You will have said something and that makes a lot of difference.
[…] Fighting back from a bad review February 2010 32 comments 3 […]
[…] sum, if your law firm is going to screw you, see for the writing on the wall. And immediately start applying for other jobs so you’re not […]
Dear,,
Hi.. please introduce myself,,My name is Hwang Cho Ryeon,,I am Asian,24 years old. I am unemployed. I have been fired from the job I was in twice. I can hardly find any other job bcs of my bad working experience on my cv.
Since then, I realized that I am a slow learner. I was fired bcs I did mistakes for so many times and didn’t understand the instructions properly.
Well, I have big problem with learning new thing. I used to be a very hardworker but still there always be some flaws on my work. My supervisor always mad at me like, “I’ve said it so many times!”. They did right thing. I didnt blame my previous supervisors who fired me. All I am blaming is my ability of learning and understanding.
Because of this,I know my weakness well. This leads me to have a terrible feeling when it comes to talk to someone, I’m always getting nervous and panic when I have to explain something. That’s one of the reason why I got fired. I have bad communication skill. Why, because I am afraid if I’m doing wrong.
Ever since the last day of my working, I haven’t applied for any job yet. I have traumatic feeling about getting fired. My mom always scold me and asking why I’m not looking for another Job. In fact, I never told this to anyone before include, (especially) my parents. I told them that my contract was terminated because I had to handle another job outside my Job desc. I didn’t tell them the honest reason.
I can’t even share this to my bestfriends bcs they are the people I am envy with. They are the people I wish I could be. They are now having good position in their company with good salary. I feel so much intimidated when we go out for cinema or just hanging out,, they’re all proudly spending their self-earn money and sharing their working experience. Meanwhile, I am still using my parent’s money,, and the leftover money from my last salary.Things are getting harder for me when they ask what my daily activities are. In fact Im just doing nothing at home.
I keep telling lies to everyone. I am really afraid to tell the truth and to be judged. Having myself as a slow learner has already become the most hurtful thing I have to face.
Now I am fighting so much againts my own anxiety and low self esteem. I am so afraid what if I never get a proper job.
I am really expecting for you to do me a favor about what to do? What am I supposed to do ?
I am so much thankful for your help..
Best Regards
Hwang Cho Ryeon
Hwang Cho – I suspect the problem is that you need to find a job you actually enjoy – something you’re naturally drawn to, and enjoy. I wasted years trying to make my parents happy by attempting to succeed at jobs I wasn’t really suited for. That’s the trick – it’s not that there’s anything wrong with you, or that you’re “failed” or that you don’t have a “proper job” – it’s just that you haven’t followed your heart, and found what you really love to do. A job is a role in the world – it’s an identity, and you can’t pretend to be someone you aren’t, or live someone else’s life. Don’t worry – you’re young and it often takes time – and courage – to find your own unique path. But I think you will.