I uttered those words for the first time back in 2001, over lunch.
I wasn’t putting myself down; I was setting myself free. This was transgression – admitting the whole legal “thing” wasn’t for me.
It’s what you’re never supposed to say, because it opens you up for slaughter. It’s throwing down your weapon, taking off the armor and walking away from the fight.
Go ahead – tear into me. I double-dare you.
It was a weird lunch. I was sitting with another former associate from Sullivan & Cromwell. We weren’t friends. I actually sort of hated him. For two years he did his best to bad-mouth me and let everyone know he was a better lawyer.
Now he wanted to do lunch.
That’s because he’d been laid off (you know, the “bad review” routine.) I’d left S&C six months before and done the impossible – gotten a real job outside law, as a marketing exec.
He said he wanted to discuss “careers outside the law.” Yeah. As soon as we sat down he started shooting the shit about our law firm days.
No way.
I felt sorry for him. He had a fiance and was clearly a mess. But I wasn’t about to play along with that bullshit.
I knew what would get his attention. When he paused from the stream of false bonhomie to catch his breath, I seized the opportunity.
“I suck at law.”
This produced a deer in the headlights face. I went on.
“I never belonged at that place. Who was I kidding? You were twice the lawyer I was.”
From his expression, I’d morphed into a winged goat in a tutu.
First rule at a law firm: Never admit vulnerability. Second rule: Conform. Third rule: Compete.
It felt like an accusation. I meant it that way. You were much more lawyer-ey than me. No, really. I insist. You were far and away the better lawyer. You are law, dude. You much much law. Me no law.
Me free.
No one gave a shit at my new job if I was a good lawyer. That’s because I wasn’t a lawyer.
I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. Rent a skywriter. Hire a blimp.
From the outside I look like a pretty good lawyer. Top 20% at NYU. Article in a journal. Sullivan & Cromwell.
Yeah, well I’m not. I suck at law.
Sorry.
I’m good at school, and law school is school. That doesn’t make me a lawyer.
Here are the facts:
I ignore details. I hate small print.
I’m not a “team player.” I hate working on stuff with other people.
Money and power bore me. Give me music, books and art.
I’m not confrontational. Put me in a room and we’ll all start getting along.
I can’t do all-nighters. At 10 pm I go to sleep.
Nothing is more boring than the Supreme Court. They mostly (5-4) hate gay people. I mostly (5-4) hate them.
Litigation terrifies me. It’s complicated and scary. Threaten to sue me, and you win. That’s it. Take whatever you want and go away.
I suck at law.
The other night one of my clients told his therapy group he was graduating from law school with $200k in debt and no job.
The group – all non-lawyers – stared in horror.
The worst part is he went into the wrong field. After doing some therapy, he sees that he prefers fields like teaching, where he can help people directly.
One member of the group, an immigrant from China, sympathized. He chose to pursue science – neurobiology – because of his limited language skills, but now felt trapped. He loved the humanities and wanted to be a journalist in his new language, English.
The law student wasn’t Chinese. He was Jewish, from Long Island. There was no good reason why he chose law. When the group asked, he fumbled for an explanation:
“It seemed more impressive than teaching. I wanted money and status.”
This guy competed for years like his life depended on it, to become what a law firm needed, even if it had nothing to do with anything he cared about.
Stop, at some juncture, and ask yourself who you are.
Otherwise you end up competing in something you suck at.
And you’re never going to be good at something if it isn’t what you want to do.
At least, I used to believe that, until one of my clients who’s a senior partner at a major law firm confessed to me that he “hates legal reasoning.”
So maybe you can be good at something, even if you hate it.
But you’ll still suck at it.
========
This piece is part of a series of columns presented by The People’s Therapist in cooperation with AboveTheLaw.com. My thanks to ATL for their help with the creation of this series.
If you enjoy these columns, please check out The People’s Therapist’s new book, Way Worse Than Being a Dentist: The Lawyer’s Quest for Meaning
I also heartily recommend my first book, an introduction to the concepts behind psychotherapy, Life is a Brief Opportunity for Joy
(Both books are also available on bn.com and the Apple iBookstore.)
I love your blog, and I can particularly relate to this post. I went to law school at 21 years old, before I really knew myself. Like you, I didn’t mind law school, but I absolutely hated practicing law. I sucked at it. It just wasn’t a good fit for my personality and strengths. When I was finally able to admit to myself that I suck at the law, it was liberating. I just finished my first semester in a masters in social work program. I am in school to become a therapist. I couldn’t be happier with what I’m doing, and it’s amazing when you find a career that really fits your strengths, personality and passions. Thanks for a great blog!
Emily
This post completely spoke to me. My thoughts on the law are so similar to yours it’s scary. I even went to NYU. I practiced for six years, and then recently quit. I’d had it. I write about my experience and career issues on my website, http://careared.com/.
This posting also spoke to me, but not in the way people might think. I’m very good at what I do (patent law), and I got into it because, while I love scientific research, I couldn’t imagine doing research on the same thing for the rest of my life. I like learning new things every day. So I’m in the right spot.
HOWEVER, I had a similar epiphany years ago when I realized that some of the partners I worked with sucked at law. They had brought in some clients during an economic upswing, been promoted, and had done okay for a few years. Then things turned south, or clients had difficult problems that they couldn’t work through, etc. Deer in the headlights, indeed. I COULD (and did) solve clients’ difficult problems, yet I was the lowly associate.
It was then that I realized that partnership was a bit of a joke, and was NOT merit-based. I then scouted law jobs on the basis of what kind of valuable work experience I could suck out of a firm, then went to where the great legal problems all reside — in-house, at the clients.
I think that the greatest challenge laid before every person is to figure out how you tick, and what makes you happy.
I also left science to become a patent lawyer. I did the biglaw IP thing for 5 years and learned a lot but I finally figured out I didn’t want to be a partner or a litigator (I like going to bed at 10 pm too). I also missed hanging out with scientists and being part of a group of people who had a bigger perspective than the next billable hour. So I went in-house and, after 7 years, I still love it. So, sometimes it’s finding the right place to be.
I think so many of us get into law practice and find it’s not for us. Only the brave get out. So, go you! I was in big law right out of law school before being laid off. Big Law was miserable. MISERABLE. After the layoff, I’ve found myself practicing the only kind of law I can imagine doing, as a public defender. Oddly all of the things you listed about why you suck at law apply to me. Fortunately, some of them only apply to big law. (As a public defender, I can go to bed at 10 if I like. Or if I’m especially lame, 9pm.)
But, when I graduated with a joint degree (JD/MA in psych), I imagined I’d be back in school for my PhD and be a therapist within a few years. No such luck. I sturggle daily with working hard to be a great attorney (because I’m type A), but you are right, it’s hard (nay, impossible) when you hate it. So, hopefully, soon, I’ll be back into school and into my ideal profession.
Thanks for this, it makes me glad to see that it is not an entirely uncommon thing to go to law school and realize you hate being a lawyer. It makes the career change just a bit less scary.
Great post. As someone who wakes up everyday and dreads the thought of going to work and billing meaningless hours I can definitely relate.
Quick question: Did you have your marketing job lined up before you left Sullivan?
I tell people everyday I am going to quit and I get the same response “you can’t quit until you have a new job.”
Good question. S&C gave me 6 months to be somewhere else, and I used those 6 months to find the marketing gig. That job hunt – which included 47 (count ’em) “informational interviews” – was the toughest thing I ever did and I literally arrived at the new job on the very day that marked the 6 month deadline. It was scary – it’s going to be scary – but it doesn’t matter if you quit before or after you have a new job, you have to do what you have to do to get yourself someplace where you’ll be happy.
My problem is that I still don’t know what I would do outside of the law.
That takes time. You might try this trick – crab-walking. Take a little sideways step towards something a bit closer to who you really are. Then another sideways step. And another. And maybe another. Eventually you might end up where you want to be. At very least, you’ll be a lot closer.
Exactly. I knew I hated law after a year of law school, but I stuck it out — and combined credits with an MPP program. Now I’m looking for a job, and there are a LOT more public policy jobs out there, and some pay a ton if you go work for the federal government.
But yes, try thinking about what you like about law. For me, I like how certain policy and legal decisions change lives. I’m clerking at a place that does solely governmental stuff, so I like it. But … I hate the litigation-aspect of it. Once I leave (or am forced out, since I graduated), I would be effed in a regular firm environment. It’s always nice to know there’s *always* something you can fall back on (that is, unless the things you like pay a lot less than law).
Think about what you enjoy in your personal life, or what subjects get you interested … then figure out how to do a *little* of that mixed with law, as tpt said … slowly move toward what you want.
How soon is too soon to know that law isn’t right for you?
I’m a 2010 grad with two months experience at a “great job” in Big Law. I can already tell that I’ve made a huge mistake (wrong skill set, not fulfilling, I suck at this, all the things you mentioned), but I feel like it’s too early to make such a blanket judgment.
I’d at least be doing some thinking now. I realized my mistake after about one month. It doesn’t take long.
I’m a 1L and I don’t fit the “law dropout” model. I worked after undergrad, including several years of law firm experience. I got a lot of firsthand exposure to what associates do and I think I could be happy doing it. Law is one of the few things in life I do not suck at. I worked in other fields and am glad I’m not doing them anymore.
I was pretty driftless for a while after undergrad, and several times I almost applied to graduate programs in polisci. After all, grad school is the “next step.” I’m glad I didn’t go. Working and getting a job really helped me know what I wanted to do with myself.
I didn’t go into law school to impress people, and I’m not a conformist. I’m not at all Type-A. I don’t even particularly enjoy school and my undergrad performance was truly miserable. I love learning, but school is just so managed and directed from the top down. If they’d still license me, I’d teach myself the law with textbooks and wikipedia.
You can go straight from undergrad to grad school, and biglaw caters to this reality avoidance by integrating itself directly into the law school schedule. Biglaw even calls each annual group of new lawyers “class of [year]” (WTF?!) like it’s a straight continuation of school. You can go from pre-school to biglaw without your feet touching the ground; the adults will just manage your entire life for you until sometime around age 30. If you wanted, you could completely avoid any meaningful consideration of your career choices until you run face-first into the firm’s “up or out” policy.
Stopping school to go work was a good strategy for me. I needed several years to get my head straight (and ended up working more past that point) but others may benefit from just one or two years of real work experience.
Like a number of commenters, this post really spoke to me. I’ve just finished my third year of practice at a big firm, but realized about a year ago that I absolutely hate it. At the time, I struggled with feeling inept and inadequate. Now, a year later and starting a non-law job in two weeks, I could not be happier to be getting out. I’ve been MISERABLE as an attorney and taking steps toward happiness does not make me a failure. Will I be making less money? Yes. Does that make me regret my decision even a tiny bit? Nope.
Yeah, me three – I suck at law and really hate it. I’ve also been gutting it out for 10 years but can’t see myself gutting it out for much more – the idea of having to do this for the rest of my life makes me want to slit my wrists.
Finding the next step is hard, really hard. And terrifying. And though I live in a cheaper Midwestern part of the country (not NYC thankfully!) I still have bills and a car payment – leaving, being dropped, stepping back, etc. are all terrifying. Does crab walking get you out of the terror too? I have a career coach, she’s very helpful, but I think she’s also probably frustrated (as a non mental health professional) with my level of anxiety in life. Argh.
More people need to be this honest, though – life is too short.
I do not want to repeat that your article is great, I just want to thank you. Thank you for writing such articles telling me that I am not the only one feeling that way and giving me hope that there may be a way out of laws.
Thanks and greetings from Germany where working in a big law firm also is no fun
Anni
Like many who have commented, I really do identify with this post. I went to law school with the idea of practicing ‘public interest law,’ and like many, I ended up in biglaw to manage bigloans. I stuck it out for about 3+ years and was less miserable than defiant. I felt lucky to have a job that helped me pay my loans, but I spent a lot of energy trying to change the system instead of accepting that the way firms work is driven by incentives that are entrenched and not likely to change any time soon. I gave up and left and wound up in a business job that was really a pretty good fit and where I learned a lot for a number of years , but here’s the thought I have to offer….
Will’s exhortation to “Stop, at some juncture, and ask yourself who you are,” is the key to not looking back and feeling like you wasted a lot of energy and opportunity to be happy and it is not a one time thing. The more jobs/ experiences you have, the more you learn about yourself, your capacities, interests and even talents. Personally, I managed to avoid learning a few key things about myself until quite late in life. So, I think taking stock of who you are on some regular basis is the only way to see when you should start reorienting yourself for the next job/career/other change lest you stay in a place that doesn’t fit for too long (given that the job market shapes when we make some changes).
The job market is much more fluid than it used to be and we’ll all likely make job and career changes more often than might be comfortable. I think the average is around 3-5 careers and 10-12 jobs, so I’ve found the better I get at being ready for and comfortable with making changes that reflect what I’m learning about myself, the less afraid I am of what the future (jobs and life generally) will bring.
Every time you write about law I become even more sure that I made the right decision to not go to law school. Like you say, I’m just not lawyer-y, although I probably would have done ok at law school. And I’m so glad you left law, because now you have this amazing blog that helps so many people and opens up all kinds of discussion. I know you’ve helped me. So, you know, I’m kinda glad you suck at law.
Thanks for voicing what so many of us Big Law refugees have felt at one time or another in our lives. It’s been a long journey for me through many jobs (both legal and not) and a lot of therapy.
The breaking point for me was when my health started failing. I needed to carry a Costco-sized bottle of aspirin with me everywhere I went just to get through the day, and I was still barely making it.
It’s only at this point that I’ve started to feel like I’ve found the life that I was supposed to lead and a real purpose. I started my own website (MyHealthCafe.com-News and Tips on Affordable Healthcare for Consumers), tutor college and law students, and teach dance. It’s not conventional, but I’m much happier and healthier than I ever was working at what was one of the hottest firms on Wall Street at the time.
Great post. I think the crab-walking thing helps. I’m still practicing law full-time, but in a relatively un-lawyerly way as a research lawyer for an NGO. The crab-walking consisted of unconventional summer jobs, editing courses at a local college, an editorial internship, landing various freelance editing and writing assignments (most recently for a national magazine), and changing from a high-stress litigation position to a public interest job that better matches my skills and interests. I’m still figuring things out, and could see myself eventually leaving law altogether, but either way, my quality of life has improved dramatically as a result of these moves.
If you’re thinking about going to law school but still have some nagging doubts, my advice would be to wait a year or two and work in a field that *might* interest you (or take a year off to travel, meet other people, try a couple of different jobs or internships, etc). Because of the price tag, going to law school can be the start of a decades-long diversion from whatever it was you might actually have enjoyed doing instead.
Also, if you can’t decide what to do with your life (other than law school or the practice of law) because you’re depressed or have other health issues, then deal with those issues first. This can also save you years of misery.
I have been a lawyer for 18 years. I have worked very hard to become a partner, then had babies and am raising my family, and now I’m done being a lawyer. I hate everything about my job, and as you note, I suck because I hate it so much. And I’m finding the more I hate my firm and my job, the more the decisionmakers there hate me. Big surprise. BUT, I can’t find a new job! I’m looking. Believe me. I’m taking those crab steps. I’m checking all internet sites I can think of. I’m making those scary calls to friends, former coworkers, other attorneys I even halfway liked on past cases … I’m interviewing all over (except no way will I ever go to another firm) but am finding nothing. I will keep at it because I have no other choice. But I’m beginning to think selling my expensive house in SF and moving my family to, say, a farm anywhere outside of California isn’t a bad idea. I feel trapped by the bad choices I made that got me here, now years later and middle aged. I’m trying hard to find a way out of this prison but it is definitely the hardest challenge I have faced yet.
You make an excellent point, Ihatethelaw. It’s the old golden handcuffs. I’m going through something similar, except my first diversion away from Biglaw involved a somewhat less than wildly successful solo practice for several years, which depleted my financial reserves. I feel your pain on finding nothing outside of the law. It’s not easy. Non-legal employers often hold great disdain for lawyers who, in their estimation, couldn’t cut the mustard. Some will find perverse glee in your predicament. Perhaps the problem is that you’re still presenting yourself as a lawyer (a less than beloved group), rather than someone with a skill set that they happened to have developed by way of a legal background. If you’re comfortable working for yourself, perhaps you can develop a mix of legal (via a solo practice, assuming you have some clients or can get some, or through high-level contract work) and non-legal work. I’m having some success with this crab-steps approach, and have found a couple of clients as well as some $100-ish an hour substantive contract work for other lawyers.
Unless you’ve saved a ton, shedding your expensive overhead seems inevitable. Sorry to dispense advice . . . I had to radically downsize my family’s lifestyle, so I speak from experience. It’s not the end of the world.
In any event, I think you can make the transition you want, in steps, and with perseverance. I wish you success!
One thing that is not discussed much here is that it takes money to walk away, well it does for most people unless you have a spouse/partner paying the bills.
I suppose its assumed that a lot of high earners are high savers but this is not always the case, the biggest earners are sometimes the biggest spenders.
How do you/did you deal with the issue of money when deciding to walk away?
The marketing job paid about 70% of what I’d been earning, so I wasn’t starving. Later, when I decided to pursue the MSW and become a therapist, I lived on student loans and credit cards and moved into a really really small studio and ate a lot of home-made vegetarian food. I lived cheap. Totally worth it.
This was such a great piece. I had to add a few additional reflections on the insightful comments it elicited: http://careared.com/articles/advice-and-lessons/further-thoughts-on-sucking-at-law.
All the reasons you list are reasons I decided to leave teaching to become a lawyer. I came to dread going to school each day. I began to dread meetings with parents. I went into teaching because I had a history degree, and didn’t know what the heck to do with it. I was also married at the time, and wanted a schedule that let me spend summers with my husband. He’s gone, I got bored doing the same thing every day, and I moved on to law school. I’ve structured my loans so I can take advantage of income-based repayment, and I plan on opening my own office when I graduate. I’m spending my summers doing public interest internships, to gain experience, and I do pro bono work during the school year for the same reason. I’m actually excited about my future, much more than I was excited about teaching for the rest of my life.
Big Law was not a possibility for me, for the reasons you list, too. I am not a political creature — too outspoken. I don’t do all-nighters, either. I’m too old for that garbage. I like to go home on a regular basis, you know, like every night. I want to be in charge of my own hours, and which clients I accept. I can’t wait.
Will, may I respectfully point out that you may have sucked at law at Sullivan & Cromwell but you might not have somewhere else? I don’t think Big Law practice represents the whole of the legal profession or that you should base yourself on that one experience. Being a lawyer can also be helping small businesses and individuals achieve what they want to achieve and sort out their problems, which is not far from… being a therapist! I think you may have been a great lawyer in a smaller practice.
I see myself as an advisor, someone who helps people get things done by helping them navigate the law, protect their interest. What does irritate me is when people equal all lawyers with Big Law law, not only are we not all like that but we don’t even do the same job! It’s like considering that all doctors do the same work.
It also does irritate me when lawyers in general consider that their only option is to go for Big Law because that’s where the money is or to consider that smaller firm lawyers are inferior because they’re not BL… Maybe there is a part of blame in hating the job them.
A big part of the enjoyment of the work is also the specific firm where one works. Some BL or SL are great, others are slave factories. I have worked in a nice medium size and a horrible small firm.
I don’t have the greatest attention to details and that’s not ideal but at the end of the day the only thing that counts is when I receive thank you letters from clients that say “you’ve really made a difference to my life, you’ve really listened to me and what I wanted”, that’s what being a good lawyer is in my book!
The use of Sullivan and Cromwell as the reference point for “the life of law” is inherently flawed: Sullivan and Cromwell is [essentially] the most prestigious, grueling law firm in the world.
Using S&C as a representative example of the misery of law is like using the Ironman Triathlon as the reference point for a discussion of how taxing and painful exercise and physical activity can be: S&C is the Ironman Triathlon of the law world; these are the EXTREMES of a particular world, and therefore using them as a reference point may not be most effective.
Now don’t get me wrong: I understand that S&C isn’t the ONLY law firm out there with grueling hours and life-sucking atmosphere; corp. associates I know there, Weil, Skadden, and all of those other “peer-level” Wall Street firms are working themselves themselves to death in unison. This is misery, but the $, the prestige of working on the “biggest” Wall Street clients, and the incentive of future/lateral opportunities post BigLaw keep those people going. They want gobs of power, money, etc….and therefore they are perfect for those places.
What I cannot understand, however, is why anyone who DOESN’T want these things would ever go there in the first place? If you are good enough to get into an S&C-type place, that means you are good enough to have your pick of the litter. The problem is that the shiny prestige is too hard to look away from.
I have one friend who had offers from all of those firms, and she decided to take a $125,000 “mid-biglaw firm job” He isn’t working 9-5, but he isn’t pulling all nighters while getting yelled at by partners either; the people are congenial and warm. His schedule at times is much more forgiving than the Advertising Account Exec. and Marketing Managers I know, who are getting paid $55,000 to work all-night and weekend at times.
Another person I know turned his nose at the “top” of the Vault list offer which he had. He took a job at the “bottom” of the Top 100 firms. He still gets paid $160,000, but he isn’t surround by money hungry, abusive partners who are blowing up his blackberry on Friday and Saturday.
So I ask: unless one cares to truly be a titan of Wall Street/Corporate Law (which requires such a sacrifice and dedication that few in law do aspire to this)…why work at a firm of such high caliber and prestige?
“So I ask: unless one cares to truly be a titan of Wall Street/Corporate Law (which requires such a sacrifice and dedication that few in law do aspire to this)…why work at a firm of such high caliber and prestige?”
My guesses? Cluelessness and insecurity. Cluenessness = if I go to that great law firm, then that means I have value! or = boy, that law firm sure is huge, imposing and scary, and the partners make a lot of money – it must be the best!
Insecurity = wow, they’ll interview/hire me? That must mean I can make it – I’ll make it if I go there. I can’t fail.
I’m compassionate. I had a does of “then I’ll be worthwhile!!” myself. Remember how young and naive a lot of law students are, and how many who end up on that path are desperately trying to fulfill others’ expectations or demands of them, or don’t know what the hell to do and are terrified by dying in poverty, etc.
They only wake up later.
I’d wager the “titan of Wall Street/Corporate Law” is also a byproduct of law school peer pressure/competition, especially at HLS, Columbia, NYU, etc. Like MBA’s, it becomes a competition to see who can get offers from the best of the best, and whether or not you’re actually going to be happy is an afterthought, if a thought at all.
Amazing post. Like many others that have already commented, I too can relate. I especially liked when you said that “you’re never going to be good at something if it isn’t what you want to do.” I couldn’t agree more.
I recently quit my biglaw job because I came to the realization early on that it wasn’t right for me. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, because I didn’t know what I was going to do next and I’ve never quit anything in my life before. I still don’t know what I’ll do next, but I’ve been spending a lot of time talking to people, doing informational interviews, etc. and getting a little clearer on the type of work that might be suitable for me.
While I was still at my job, I felt really lonely and isolated because I thought I was the only one that hated it there, and I couldn’t share those feelings with anyone.
It’s really nice to know there are others out there that feel the same way I feel about biglaw.
Thanks for the post.
7 years ago I started taking classes at community college. It was the start of my intellectual growth. I wanted to know everything and fix the ills of society.
As I continued my education, I transferred to a state university and received a bach of science in applied mathematics. Math was enthralling and a subject that had perplexed me during high school. I conquered it.
I’m smart. I was the first of my 4 siblings to graduate from high school. Even better, I graduated magna cum laude with a degree in applied math. I was on my way.
I started law school at a T50. It wasn’t enough. I aced the classes and transferred to HYS.
I made it. I had bent the branch on my family tree and arrived at a top 3 law school. I hated it.
My soul was gone. The thirst for knowledge that drove my studies during undergrad gave way to a drive for prestige. I was better, and my address at a prestigious university proved it. I was worse, and my sadness proved it.
It took me a while to climb from my slump. I left law behind. Never really wanted it, aside from the prestige.
Today, I make sandwiches. Sandwiches! And I love it. It’s me. It’s a small business, but it’s mine. It’s my life.
It’s hard to find a passion. It’s easy to get caught in a life that doesn’t resemble its owner. But, it can be done.
I hear you brother – first one in my immediate family line to get a professional degree. That means I’m expected to make $10 million/year, be elected President, run the Universe, be proclaimed the greatest and best person on the planet, write 20 best-selling books, be on TV every night singing, dancing, declaming philosophy and poetry, single-handedly fighting terrorism a la Rambo, etc etc etc – as you know, it takes time and growing up to get out from under the weight of “redeeming/saving the family” and pulling hundreds of years of working people up into the sheer glory and luxury that is professional life (uh yeah, that’s what it was alright).
Outstanding! Funny. True. Truly funny. Just great. I bailed out of biglaw to become a teacher (having, I am emboldened by you to confess, more or less sucked at law, too).
Every year more lemmings go over the cliff into law schools. Years later too many of them (us) are deeply unhappy and deeply in debt.
When undergraduate students ask me about going to law school, I urge extreme caution, telling them not to do it if they can talk themselves out of it, telling them to please, please, please get some experience around a working lawyer before they commit three years and lots of money in lost wages and tuition to going to law school. But few will be deterred.
Being a lawyer has, in the social world at large, an aura of prestige. People think lawyers make money. People think lawyers have social standing.
Whose mother cries if her child enrolls in law school or announces an engagement to a lawyer? (Perhaps a mother who is a lawyer or is married to one, but not most).
Being a lawyer commands some respect, even if it is grudging, resentful respect. It carries the connotation of economic success or security.
Thus, for those
1) nearing the end of college with degrees in history/english/anthropology/sociology/poli sci etc,
2) not knowing what else to do,
3) having some inertia—wanting to continue being in school because they are in school,
4) thinking they are clever,
5) having been told the’d be a good lawyer (b/c they like to argue, seem articulate or whatever), and
5) who have watched too much TV that purported to show legal drama . . .
the idea of law school seduces them. A tiny fraction end up in biglaw. A tinnier fraction find meaningful, rewarding lives there. Some love the money (and may confuse their paycheck with their human worth), some love the ego-stroking of working on deals or cases with lots of zero’s after them, and some are, I suppose, actually suited to the work. Happy they must be, with work as far as the eye can see and fat incomes–few but bankers and CEOs to envy.
I had three happy days as a lawyer–the day I got the job offer from the firm I went to, the day they told me I could go to one of their overseas offices, and the day I quit. In between it was mostly a painful blur.
Now “Me no law. Me free!” Me much, much happier. Worst day as a teacher has been better than my best day as a practicing lawyer.
Thanks for the great post!
You nailed it on the list – so many people go into law because they don’t know what else to do, are smart, and were told that they would be good lawyers.
10 or so years ago when the job market was hot, those folks could end up in a nice firm with a paycheck that allowed life and loan repayment. I was at a top 10 school in the 1990s – everyone in my class got a good job (not that everyone stuck in his or hers for longer than a few years, but they had somewhere to start).
I worry about the ones graduating now. But, lesson one learns by age 40, life really can be unfair and painful – this is one of the ways where it can really bite.
I suck at law, too. I want to explore neurological research, but I already have 200K in student loans. I quit biglaw and do contract doc review while I go to school at night and online to get my prereqs for med school. Too bad I went the wrong route at first. But, at least I don’t have to kill myself for 40 years trying to live up to the expectations of senior partners. And, really, who wants to win millions for big companies? It was morally draining.
Thank You!
Reading these posts, especially this one and “You’re in Trouble” is like watching a horror film… at least for me, a future JD student…
I’ve done a lot of research on the legal field before I even took the LSAT. I expect high pressure and stress at the job as an attorney, but I acutally got chills reading some of these posts…
To a future JD student, it seems like a lose-lose situation upon graduation: either become unemployed or a degenerate slave at a law firm
Best thing I ever did was “retire” from the practice of law. I was one step away from a blindfold and a last cigarette.
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The best plan is to have some financial aid in place before and/or during law school (scholarships, bursaries, trust fund, supportive family). Obviously this is more feasible for some than for others, but graduating with a modest debt level gives you so many more options.
The problem with debt has as much to do with time as it does money, IMO. Large loans mean that you have to grind it out and wait – sometimes for 10 or 20 years – before making important changes in your life, at exactly the point when you need to strike while the iron is hot.
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I just went inactive. I put the letter in the box at 9:45 PM on New Year’s Day. Well, I made my husband put it in..and I reached for his hand once, then said, MAIL THAT SUCKER. And I feel like one million dollars!!!!!!!! I have been on disability for a year, but wanted to keep up…but just couldn’t justify a thousand bucks on worthless CLEs plus dues just in case. I can always go back if I get a second wind.
Thank you from Montreal. I’m leaving Big Law for a new job next week, and reading this post and all the comments confirm my choice. I suck at law, and so do most of my former colleagues.
Did I write this?
Well, no, I’m still working at the law (22 years in fact). But this is a great post. All the “I like” and “I hate” items could have been written by me. I’m just not smart enough to find the door out.
This post and a lot of the comments really hit home. I was one of those “go straight through and be a lawyer at 24” types. In retrospect, I would have been much happier going into journalism or law enforcement. Unfortunately, at 21, being a lawyer seemed safe. Oh and “you can use your law degree to do so many things.”
Now, 12 years later, all of the constant stress and conflict with half-brained jerk offs who obviously love their job more than me has me on the edge. I am in a small firm, but the pressure to bill is still horrible.
The worst part is I feel the toll this career is taking on my health. I have constant stomach problems and trouble sleeping. I rarely have time or the energy to work out. I am looking to get out, but I just don’t even know where to start. More education is not an option. Plus, I still have loans I am paying off. My family and friends can’t understand what the problem is and are entirely unsympathetic.
Oh, to know then what I know now. Maybe this post can save someone from the same mistake.
That’s the trouble, isn’t it? When you’re 21, there’s not a whole lot of information about the reality of being a lawyer. And would you have listened if someone had told you anyway? I know I wouldn’t have.
Don’t listen to your family and friends. Just don’t listen to them and trust your own instincts. In fact the worst thing you can do for your health is listen to them and not yourself. Unless you’ve been a lawyer, you can’t possibly understand what it’s like. We earn so much money, right? We’re lucky, right? The world and his wife would love to be in your shoes, right?
Wrong. The insanity and relentless pressure of the billable hour. Watching your life drain away in 6 minute units. Lying awake at night feeling sick over this or that file. Getting a flood of adrenaline and stomach cramps every morning and having persistent insomnia. Believe me, you’re not the only one. And for what? So you can fill the pockets of a few partner sharks who view you like you’re something they just scraped off their shoe even though you’re filling their bottomless pockets while your life ticks by. So you can reach their sky high billing targets and be told, by a shark “You’re only as good as your last month’s bills”. So you can strive to become one of them and do the same to others?
No thanks. Personally, I’m done with being a victim of this awful profession and judging by the state of your health, you should be too. Don’t look for sympathy from your family and friends. Start looking around for something else to do. And if you can’t immediately think what that is because you’ve been institutionalised into the legal profession’s “we are the whole world, we own you and there is nothing else” mentality, then take small steps. Go onto a careers advice website. Check out Jennifer Alvey’s “Leaving the Law” blog. Buy a book about leaving the law. Do a short course getting some other skill, no matter what it is. Doesn’t really matter. Once you start taking steps in another direction, things will happen. Why not look at how you could get into those things you think you would have been interested in?. But one thing’s for sure. If you keep on doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep on getting what you’re getting. I know…….I’ve done it.
I’m glad to find that I’m not the only one who doesn’t “love” the practice of law. After I graduated from law school I had a difficult time finding a job. I finally got hired, less than a year ago, by a solo practitioner with a general practice.
There are days I think that I like what I do, but on most days I hate my job and the practice of law. I don’t know if its because I’m still new to it and learning (so I feel inadequate and hate the job), or if it’s because of the clients and the general nature of the profession. I say this because a few clients have complained to my boss about me, calling me incompetent, incapable of thinking on my feet, etc. One even said I should just be a secretary. Dealing with clients is one of the hardest parts of the job. I’m on 28 and I can still change professions if I want to, however, I graduated from law school with over $200k in student loans. I can’t afford to take out loans to go back to school. I don’t even know what my other choice of profession would be. I don’t know if I should stick with the legal practice and just continue to try my best, or move on to something else. Does anyone have any advice?
Angela
You know the answer already. “Most days I hate my job and the practice of law”, you said. It doesn’t really matter why you hate it, does it? Although I could tell you having been a lawyer, in “general practice” firms for 13 dismal years. Believe me, it’s not because you’re new to it and learning. I used to think that, years ago, and it’s easy to get caught in the whole “if I could just work faster/ harder/ longer/ more efficiently it would be alright” or “if I could just bill more like they want me to/ record more chargeable hours/ have more knowledge about X, Y or Z then it would be alright”.
Trust me, it won’t get better, no matter how long you stick at it.
Who cares what the clients say about you, their opinion is only important if you let it override your own feelings of self worth. And as for “just a secretary”, that comment speaks volumes about the type of person he must have been to think that was an insult. What’s wrong with being a secretary? Lawyers can’t operate without secretaries. And at least secretaries get to go home and enjoy their time off without feeling guilty/ stressed/ suffering insomnia and nausea on Sunday nights etc. Who’s the bigger idiot looking at it that way?
My advice would be get out as soon as you can. Forget all the reasons why you can’t, because that will just keep you trapped there. Just focus on the feeling of getting out, and start looking into what else you might be able to do, keeping an open mind.as you do it. Be patient. Talk to people. Eventually, an escape route will appear and once you’ve taken it, you’ll wish you had done sooner.
Great post! A couple of observations. First, in the grand scheme of things, most attorneys don’t make a lot of money so don’t ever get hung up on the salary. Friends of mine on Wall Street earn more in a quarter than most attorneys make in a year (or two or three) and don’t get me going about the sales people I know who “work” a forty hour week, the lion’s share of which is spent wining, dining and playing golf with their clients. Second, companies are always looking for employees who possess a modicum of intelligence and who have a good work ethic and good verbal and written communication skills. Sound like anyone you know? Third, following the herd is generally safe, but it rarely optimizes your results. Four friends of mine took the path less travelled when they graduated from college. We all thought they were nuts. We all thought they had “wasted their degrees” and we’re just being impulsive and immature. Well, we were all wrong. My friend who “thought it would be cool to have a job where he I could wear Jams and flip-flops to work” owns several beach front restaurants. He works four months a year to earn his six figure salary. The rest of the year he “plays.” My friend who “threw away his MBA” because he “hated wearing suits” quit a very lucrative job he cultivated all through college to “go back to working construction.” He now runs his own construction company, never wears a suit and earns the kind of money that allows him to make charitable donations in amounts that get his name etched on buildings. Finally, don’t underestimate the effect a job you hate will have on your personal life. Like an infected tooth that abscesses and spreads infection throughout your body, the effects of a job you hate will do the same to your personal life.
In closing, let me leave you with these final thoughts. With law school graduation approaching and no idea what I wanted to do with my career, I asked my grandfather who always seem to be genuinely happy how he picked his career. In a single, four word sentence, he replied, “I liked to drive.” Needing further clarification, I pressed him further. He went on to explain that in his teens the automobile had been invented. He was so fascinated by this invention, he explained that he spent every waking moment trying to figure how he could get the “chance to drive.” Eventually, he got a job delivering ice on an ice truck. He was thrilled. He was now driving. Over the years, he “bounced around” from a number of jobs, always trying to earn more money, but always with the same constant: driving. So simple, right? Too simple you say? Well, when my grandfather passed away a few months shy of his 96th birthday, I learned that his final business endeavor, a newspaper delivery business, netted him an annual salary of approximately $800k in today’s money. Notwithstanding the fact he was well-off and annually bought himself a new Cadillac, after my grandmother passed away, my grandfather began working again, this time as a cab driver. He drove cab well into his eighties, averaging 30 hours per week and unlike his elderly peers, he did not sit around the house on the weekends. Nope, he preferred “driving in the Caddy” up and down the east coast. To the day he died, apart from the sight of his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, nothing brightened his eyes more than walking into a new car showroom or going to a car-show. In short, he epitomized the expression, “Choose a job that you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”
WOW … like so many others who commented here, you really spoke to me. I hate parsing out details, I hate confrontation (I left a lot on the table during my divorce just so my ex and I could remain friends – which we are, and I believe it was worth it), and wearing suits makes me really grumpy. I tried various fields of practice – public defender, juvenile dependency, estate planning, and family law. None of it felt like “me,” you know?
And it’s true – one can do well in law school, yet “suck” as a lawyer. That’s me – and the real reason I suck is that I can’t make myself care about the minutiae. What I DO care about, as silly as it sounds, are bikes. All kinds of bikes. I talk about them, including the minutiae of the components, 24/7. If I don’t ride 100 miles/week, I’m cranky. My son told me the best time to ask me for stuff is right after a ride, because that’s when I am happiest. My local bike shop knows me much like the Cheers staff knew Norm (I just dated myself, I know). I am active in our region’s bike coalition, and even went to France just to ride my bike.
I’m not a spring chicken, but I’m young enough to start over – and life’s too short to spend doing something at which I suck. I would rather lick the floors of a bike shop than file another motion. So I’m phasing out my practice to close the files I currently have, and then going to work in the bike industry. And if I have to start by licking bike shop floors, then that’s what I’ll do. If I don’t, I’m showing my son that happiness is not worth pursuing, and that would be the saddest example I could set for him.
I’ve been working at my new firm for about a year and a half. I’ve known since the first semester of law school that I didn’t want to be a lawyer. Denial can only get you so far, and I’m not prepared to spend my life miserable. I really identified with your post. How did you find a job post-law firm? What did you say to people who questioned your degree and career change? What made you decide to go back to school for social work?
I really needed to read this today. I LOATHE my job as a lawyer. I work in prosecution and deal with child sexual assaults, personal violence matters everyday. Recently ive been paying closer attention to my, mostly male, colleagues. Many are bordering on having mental health issues, anxiety, depression, they all drink in office to “unwind” and to drink away the dirtiness of what we deal with daily. I can tell noone is happy. The environment is toxic. Morale is extremely low. Im sick of the plea bargaining just to make cases go away – heavy workload, lack of money etc etc. I hate going to work each morning, and just get angrier at all the violence i have to read about each day. I want to leave and study wholistic nutrition. But im terrified of giving up a secure job (there will, after all, always be violence to keep me employed), especially now having children and a mortgage, but i look at my colleagues, the lack of emotion in their eyes, and dont want to be them in 20/30 years time.
A friend of mine just me your post. We both recently left law. I felt like you were speaking about me. I suck at law too! I have no idea why I went to law school. Maybe it was like you said, I was good at school and law school was school. Not only was it school but it was a prestigious type of school. It seemed like some great academic achievement. But I hated practicing law. I hated being a lawyer. I hated other lawyers. I hated the law. I hated litigation and would wake up nauseous every morning.
I’ve now gone back to school for nutrition and am working towards creating my own line of holistic beauty products. I couldn’t be happier. I never realized that you could actually enjoy and be excited about your job. It took alot to make me realize that I sucked at law (even to admit that I sucked at something) but it was the best thing I ever did. Most people in my life think I’m crazy but I hope that those who care about me will see how much happier I am without law.
Thank you for your post and for the courage to admit that you suck at law!
I am a 3L who has been academically successful at law school. Interestingly, I had typed in my browser “I am going to be a lawyer, but I don’t like confrontation” and this website and article were the first thing to pop up. Looks like I need to do some self-evaluation…
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Absolutely true.