Archive for January 28th, 2010

The recent arrest of the actor, Charlie Sheen, on domestic violence charges will make for a very brief, very important post.

I have no idea if Mr. Sheen is guilty of these charges, or what actually happened during this incident.  I only mention it in order to raise the vital issue of domestic violence.  Violence between partners and families happens.  It is all too common, and it can devastate lives.

Here’s what you do if someone with whom you are in a relationship turns violent towards you:


That’s it.  Pack your things and go.  Or kick him out and change the locks.  It’s over.

If you need to, call the police, or request an order of protection to prevent this person from returning to your life.

Sound harsh?

Think about it.  You deserve a partner who treats you like gold – who cherishes you and celebrates you and adores you.

No one – NO ONE – deserves to be violently assaulted.

If someone has assaulted you violently, that person is in no place in his life to be in a relationship with anyone, least of all you.

He might be ready sometime in the future, but he needs to find the help he needs to change.  That will take time, and that is his job, and he will have to tackle it on his own.  It is no business of yours.

You cannot change someone from within a relationship.  You can stay or you can leave.  That’s it.

With something as serious as domestic violence, you must leave.

If you feel an urge to blame yourself, or explain it away, or return to a relationship with an abuser, there is a serious problem that must be addressed in your own therapy.  It could be a return to feelings you had during previous abuse, during your childhood.  I don’t know – that will have to be explored.

But you cannot return.  You must leave, and stay away, and not look back.

Okay.  That was easy.  Shortest post yet.

And one of the most important.

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