I received the following letter concerning the tricky business of maintaining a relationship:
Dear Will,
I’m a recent law school graduate studying for the bar exam. I just got into another argument with my boyfriend of four years, and I’m feeling frustrated and upset.
Our relationship tends to break down when I’m going through a period of heightened stress — writing my law school admissions essays, studying for finals at the end of each semester, and now, studying for the bar. I know I can get moody and depressed during these times, but I’m up front with him about my state of mind, and I wish he could be more understanding.
The problem is that, on the one hand, I’m starting to feel like the girl who cried wolf, since these periods of stress have happened regularly throughout our relationship. On the other hand, I still feel hurt and upset when he loses patience with me, like I can’t rely on him during tough times.
Any thoughts or advice you can provide would be much appreciated.
Thank you,
L
And here’s my response:
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The People's Therapist 
I may be biased because this woman sounds exactly like me, but your therapy recommendation seems premature. Why not use this opportunity to strengthen your problem-solving skills as a couple before seeking outside help? L does not say that she has acknowledged this recurring problem to her boyfriend, only that she communicates her particular state of mind to him in the heat of the moment. An open and frank discussion at a neutral time in which she challenges herself to recognize and suppress misplaced anger and he agrees to be understanding and communicative during the process should be attempted.
Coincidentally, my husband and I realized yesterday that I have been “outburst-free” for at least a year – despite graduating law school, studying for and taking the bar exam, moving to a new city, and starting a new job during that time. All it took was one conversation which clarified the problem and emboldened him to say to my face: “Sweetheart, you’re doing it again.”
Hmmm. Once Upon a Time, I was in a relationship where I met the fella’ during a sort of “coasting” period in my own career, so his initial impression of me was = tranquil girl. Which is, in the big picture, fairly accurate, but it was more extreme at that moment. We got involved and he began to rely on my being a tranquil girl to settle him down, as he lacked what you might call self-management skills. Then some life happened and I had to do stressful things, ergo, I had less energy available and needed him to manage his own head. I wasn’t seeing all this at the time, and I could have written a letter very much like the one above. But in retrospect, the imbalance in our relationship wasn’t that I couldn’t rely on him to be extra-giving when I was stressed. It was that I couldn’t ever rely on him to be a grown-up, and I was stupid enough to put up with it except when it started trashing my career.
When in doubt, check your working definition of “normal”.