I’ll never forget a moment in a wildlife program about Antarctic penguins – I think it was a David Attenborough series.
There were two little penguin parents and a penguin chick.
Then, suddenly, there wasn’t. The chick fell into a crack in the ice.
The little guy squeaked for all he was worth, the parents circled, there was frantic waving of wings – and not a damn thing anyone could do.
Five minutes later – which seemed like several lifetimes – a member of the film crew tore away a chunk of snow and released the chick.
Profound relief for all involved, penguin and human.
But there was a wrinkle. The show’s non-intervention policy had been violated. A voice-over explained that an exception had been made because the film crew may have created the crack in the ice.
Uh, yeah.
I doubt David Attenborough was buying that story.
The truth? You try filming a baby penguin slowly perishing in front of its parents.
One of my clients, a biglaw senior associate, experienced something similar.
The situation: An 8th year associate – not my client – was up for partner. She worked at a branch office of a huge firm. My client was preparing a case for trial, and her team needed help. They sent word to the branch office, which sent the 8th year. She showed up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, but the partner – an unstable sadist – decided on a whim after two weeks that this 8th year was no good. He didn’t tell her to her face. Instead, he mocked her behind her back to the entire team, proclaiming her work product worse than a second year’s, and bragging he’d send her packing to the branch office, where she belonged.
My client watched all this, and felt complicit. She wasn’t laughing, but she wasn’t saying anything either.
It was like watching the baby penguin.
This 8th year had no idea she was the object of ridicule. In fact, she was arrogant – confident she’d make partner. At the branch office she was their pride and joy, and they sent her to the big city to win support for her bid.
That bid was being derailed. One word from the partner to the branch office and Miss 8th year’s aspirations were toast.
There was nothing wrong with the 8th year’s abilities – she just wasn’t used to the level of aggression this partner demanded in his written work. That, and the partner wanted to hurt something small and helpless.
My client’s instinct was to step in and warn the 8th year.
She didn’t.
Maybe the penguin analogy isn’t quite right. This 8th year was hardly a helpless baby penguin – she was a cold-blooded litigator. If she were watching this happen to someone else, she wouldn’t intervene either.
A better analogy might be gazelles on the African savannah, watching as a hungry lion paces nearby. Each gazelle knows how things are going to end – one of them will be lunch. They would prefer it be someone else. They eye the others – that one’s old, that one’s lame, that one’s still a fawn.
The lion makes the same calculation. He chooses a weak runner, and gives chase.
The other gazelles flee, knowing he’ll get his meal. But this time, it’s not them.
My client was afraid of this partner. If she warned the 8th year, it might get back to him – and that wasn’t worth the risk. There was nothing she or any of the other gazelles could say to the lion – or to one another – that would do this 8th year any good. She was marked. The others were already stepping out of the way. Nature would take its course.
But the lion and gazelle analogy might not be apt either. Gazelles are harmless, but at a law firm anyone can turn dangerous. My client wasn’t naïve. She knew, if this 8th year came to power, she would grow fangs and learn to kill.
A friend of mine recently returned from Australia. He was amazed to find nearly every living creature that walks, swims or crawls Down Under can turn out to be deadly poisonous. It was incredible, he said – they had venomous toads and frogs and spiders and fish and snakes and centipedes and jellyfish and even a poisonous octopus. Just about anything you met could end up killing you.
What was it about living isolated together on a desert island that turned everyone poisonous?
I was reminded of the comments section on AboveTheLaw.
Of all the sites run – or formerly run – by Breaking Media, only one regularly triggers comments that might have been written during a break from sewing a dress made of human skin.
As a columnist for Above the Law, I have been told not only that I suck and my pieces are too long, but that I am an “anal rapist” and should “die in a fire.”
That doesn’t happen when you write for Fashionista, Dealbreaker, or (formerly) Going Concern – let alone Alt Transport.
Fashion people, Wall Streeters, accountants and alternative transportation wonks like their jobs. They like where they are in the world.
Lawyers turn vicious because they hate their jobs. They don’t want to be there.
If you are stranded on a miserable island with the same people for a long time, eyeing one another as candidates for lunch, you begin to turn poisonous. Everything turns poisonous.
You watch the damn penguin die, and you’re glad it’s not you.
It starts to feel like a law firm.
========
This piece is part of a series of columns presented by The People’s Therapist in cooperation with AboveTheLaw.com. My thanks to ATL for their help with the creation of this series.
If you enjoy these columns, please check out The People’s Therapist’s new book, Way Worse Than Being A Dentist: The Lawyer’s Quest for Meaning
I also heartily recommend my first book, an introduction to the concepts behind psychotherapy, Life is a Brief Opportunity for Joy
(Both books are also available on bn.com and the Apple iBookstore.)
Not that I want to be in the position of defending comments on ATL, but is it possible that the “anal rapist” comment was a joke (portmanteau) from Arrested Development? http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=analrapist
I know others are quite ignorant of bipolar disorder, but I expected a bit more from a psychotherapist and fellow NYU Law alum than to joke about it in a column .. (“The partner was also peaking on one of his manic-depressive cycles and wanted to hurt something small and helpless.”) thereby contributing to inaccurate perceptions of the illness — unless the partner is also your diagnosed client or out about his illness. Perhaps you should choose your words a bit more carefully the next time rather than hurting the small and helpless.
Perhaps you should relax. Look up the symptoms of “manic” and you’ll see irritability and grandiosity. I am a therapist. I know what I’m writing about. And I have a sense of humor. Amazing, but the two can co-exist. I know plenty of people with bipolar disorder who can laugh at their own behavior when they were manic. Lighten up.
Indeed as someone who suffers from bipolar disorder, I am intimately familiar with the symptoms of both cycles. As you learn more about the illness, you will see that there a wide range of symptoms of both cycles, many of which vary from patient to patient. Religiosity is one that my friend experiences in a manic state, yet I did not. I took it upon myself to read extensively about the illness, and that knowledge has effectively helped to keep it in check.
I can assure you that I am quite “chilled out” when it comes to dealing with people who make ignorant comments about the illness, and view it as an opportunity to make them a bit more aware. Indeed many of them have become close friends that now share their own perceived weaknesses.
My only real point is that I expect more from a professional. All good — I am not using any derogatory terms as your other readers did.
Okay, for the record, I apologize. M, you’re right. I thought about it, and it’s tough enough living with the realities of bipolar illness without having to deal with my attempts at humor at your expense. I have taken out the offending line, and asked ATL to do the same on their site.
I appreciate your writing in and taking me to task for this issue. I didn’t mean any harm – just trying to amuse. But bipolar is a serious issue, and I was wrong. I love and respect a great many people who live each day with axis one diagnoses, and I would never intentionally make their lives any tougher. I’m sorry, too, that my initial response was so defensive – I was rushing between patient hours and didn’t think enough about what you were saying. I’ll try to do better in the future. Will
Since I’ve been seeing everyone and their brother diagnosed with “bipolar disorder” these days, I asked my brother-in-law psychiatrist why that was happening.
He basically said that if you had a limited education and were angry, then the GP would give you the bipolar diagnosis and prescribe you Xanax. Yeah. Great idea.
He is also of the opinion that you know if the psychiatrist is good if they remove the “bipolar” label and put on a more accurate diagnosis.
Bipolar disorder is only supposed to be what, 1.5% of the population according to the DSM-IV-TR? Seriously, everyone’s getting it these days.
I can only hold my breath and wait for the DSM-V.
Bipolar diagnoses are a medical fad these days.
JP – You’re right, and bi-polar is over-diagnosed. Like ADHD, it’s become a bit of a fad. But it is also a very real condition for the folks who really have it. I wish the term weren’t batted around so casually – and that’s why I took the offending reference out of this piece. Bi-polar does exist for the people dealing with it every day, and it’s no laughing matter. I’ve apologized to M, and now, hopefully, we can all move on – and share a laugh at the excesses of biglaw!
I live with someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder many years ago. Thanks to lithium and several other medications and some top-notch pyschiatric help — as well as his own extensive efforts to help himself, in ways consistent with medical advice — he is doing well.
I work with some people who exhibit, in less exaggerated form, some of the behaviors that are chronicled in this story.
It was mildly unfortunate that the story used a clinical term in a non-clinical way to describe the boorish partner’s behavior. On the other hand, it is good for public awareness that some information was shared about bipolar disorder, its overdiagnosis, and the burdens of those who really do have it. On the whole, I think this story and the exchanges in the comments did more good than harm in this regard.
I do not share Will Meyerhofer’s cynicism about all law firm partners, and I wish he would not paint with so broad a brush. But I do think he does a valuable service by sharing some of his experiences and those of some of his clients, and adding insights gained from his training in psychotherapy.
Will,
I ordered your book on Amazon and am waiting for its delivery. I really enjoy your column and your insights and am looking forward to a great read.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Please let me know what you think. I can’t tell you how much appreciate my readers – especially the ones who give my book a shot.
One reason that I went in to solo practice 19 years ago was that the office politics are so much simpler.
Just want to say that your column is amazing. Thanks for doing your best to bring lawyers back to reality.
any stories or thoughts about law schools?
What does this mean:
“she just wasn’t used to the level of aggression this partner demanded in his written work.”
What kind of aggression was she supposed to exhibit in her (I assume) memos or briefs?
I haven’t been around in awhile – glad to be back. I’ve ordered your book; looking forward to reading it.
@ JP – Perhaps you are referring to the debate about adolescent bipolar disorder. There are number of ways to be assured that you get an accurate diagnosis, and it often takes about ten years from the onset of symptoms until one gets an accurate diagnosis. Unfortunately, many of those get the diagnosis only after near tragic events occur. Given your interest in the illness, I highly recommend doing a bit more due diligence on the subject. As an aside, there are many in the legal profession that suffer from this.
Calm down. Go back to ATL where you belong. I have several people close to me with bipolar disorders and they can joke about their condition. Leave it to a lawyer to make a federal case out of a casual comment. Your venom only supports the comments made in the article about lawyers and law firms.
Note: I don’t practice and never worked at a firm. Bipolar disorder has an interesting way of ending legal careers. As for venom, I see nothing in my comments that demonstrates a drop of it; and I do make fun of myself — helps you get through the day.
Will, I also love your column and this one resonates with me especially. The more I practiced in litigation, the more viciousness I found, but I knew what lay beneath: the exhaustion, the incivility, and the unhappiness at being chained to a blackberry and being a billing slave for clients calling and emailing at all hours and expecting you to basically not have a life and deal with whatever their perceived SUPER IMPORTANT ISSUE is at that very moment. I knew very quickly into my law career that I couldn’t go this route. So I got out and went in-house, and suddenly I loved my job. I didn’t mean for this comment to go on so long, but seriously – thank you for doing what you do and I’ll be getting your book today.
I personally find your columns to speak a lot of truth about the profession – things that people still caught in its soul-sucking grip are sometimes reluctant to admit. But I always take the massive amount of nasty comments on ATL to be a sign that you’ve truly struck a nerve and people are lashing out out of their own insecurities. I’m an NYU Law Alum too, and since I left my law firm job last summer there’s a lot less anger flowing through my veins. Keep up the fantastic work!
I’m not disagreeing with you. But, to clarify, when you write of “law firms” and “lawyers” what you’re really talking about is transactional work / corporate litigation for BigLaw in NYC. Just because those jobs suck doesn’t mean the entire legal profession should be condemned.
Well…not entirely. I was a corporate/transactional lawyer at a big NYC firm…but now I work with a lot of unhappy lawyers from all over the country, and even overseas, and many of them are litigators, and many of them work at mid-sized or smaller firms. I wish it were that easy, but things are pretty bad all over the legal profession.
Since your job involves counseling unhappy lawyers, isn’t it possible that your perspective is one-sided?
(I like your blog . . . I’m just saying . . .)
Sure – it’s going to be a self-selecting sample…but…I mean c’mon – show me the happy lawyers, please. I’m here. I’m waiting.
Oh come on! There are happy lawyers and happy firms. They probably aren’t the world’s top 100 and the lawyers are unlikely to be making millions but they’re working in an interesting enough job with people they generally like.
It’s not everyone’s experience of law firm’s granted, but neither is the shark infested stress-holes you describe.
I have no doubt that the sadist work environments and evil partners who you describe exist, especially in the Biglaw world, transactional work, corporate litigation, etc. But that’s just one tiny segment of the profession. Most attorneys I know work for government agencies or very small firms (less than 5 lawyers). In this world (no corporate clients), “things are pretty bad” just doesn’t right true–some are even happy!
I did corporate/transactional work well outside of NYC and it was that insane. Freaking transactional attorneys think they’re curing cancer or something – hello, you are shuffling paper. Get over yourselves.
As soon as I get a chance, I’ll send you an email to explain to you exactly how I’m a happy lawyer and how lots of the people I work with are happy lawyers — all in private practice and doing “cutting-edge” work, no less. I don’t know if there are any happy lawyers in New York City, but I can vouch for the existence of some (obviously not all) happy lawyers in firms outside New York.
Incidentally, you don’t have to be a straight white male to be a happy lawyer. I’m not one of those.
Will —
You are a big man to acknowledge a mistake and I accept and appreciate your apology. I wish you every success and think that someone with your background can make a great difference in the lives on many in the legal community.
These stories make me sad because they are so common. One thing I have always thought, and am seeing to be true in my surveys, is that having a clear life vision is really essential to being happy (at work and at home).
I’d be interested in seeing a blog post about helping someone find their purpose – a happy ending, if you will.
I can confirm that L.A. offices, even smaller ones, are similarly dysfunctional and primal, regardless of practice area. It’s especially disconcerting when the firms preach the nobility of the profession and that being civil is important. Then they throw their homegrown associates under the bus to take on uncouth laterals (often sociopaths like the partners) from other firms. What law firms get away with in terms of hostile work environments and borderline harassment is shocking (and just plain obnoxious when it comes to the sarcasm and passive aggressiveness). It makes you wonder how intelligent (emotionally and intellectually) the associates who stick around actually are… Seems that money and pride keep them in the dysfunctional game, which just validates society’s stereotypes of lawyers as not adding much value to society. I actually respect the attorneys who leave dysfunctional firms more than the ones who stay. Interestingly, this is even true at offices that are woefully under-performing, and basically living off the gains of other more profitable offices. So the game isn’t even serving its alleged purpose…
Naturally the office keeps the “uncouth laterals”. They were part of the deal needed to bring the partner(s) with business on board. As a homegrown associate, unless you have your own rabbis, you’re toast.
Too many old school partners is part of the problem, not a solution. They’re too clueless and can’t adapt to changing times. Wish they’d retire already. Another problem in general: under-performing partners who bring down the whole office
Great article. Like others, I purchased your book from Amazon based on how much I enjoyed reading this. Keep up the good work.
This job is literally killing me. Each day I’m more depressed than the last. They make me feel so stupid. And I have about 3/4 panic attacks a day… literally. But if I leave here, what am I going to do? Where am I going to go?
Good question. No simple answer. How are your finances? If you have the cash to weather a period of unemployment, then pull the trigger and quit. If you don’t, then start amassing a pile as quickly as possible. Keep your head down, minimize your stress (through medication if necessary) and keep one eye on the door.
“Of all the sites run – or formerly run – by Breaking Media, only one regularly triggers comments that might have been written during a break from sewing a dress made of human skin.”
AWESOME! AWESOME! OMG, nailed! Yesss!!!!!
I published a pissy comment on a Greedy board a long, long time ago about something totally rational – like, we need to have lives, or this is only a job, we’re not saving lives (none of us in business law) and shouldn’t have to put up with abuse, etc. and was immediately piled on with comments about how I needed therapy. Oh yeah…I was really the one with the issues there….
I empathize with the 8th year (penguin) in the story. Unfortunately, life isn’t always fair. People do get screwed, even if they don’t deserve it.
Yet I can’t help but wonder whether the 8th year was oblivious to the partner’s style. Even if she had no choice but to accept the assignment, I would have expected her to ask around about the partner’s reputation before going into the lion’s den. It probably wasn’t a secret in the firm that the guy was a back-stabbing jerk. Once aware of this fact, the associate could have done something to avoid the assignment (e.g., claim an illness for a week) or lined up her branch office “rabbis” to have her back in case the guy tried to throw her under the bus. She didn’t do either, which tells me she was – as Will points out – arrogant about her chances of making partner. The bottom line is that she was in charge of safeguarding her own ass and didn’t. Will’s client had no duty or other obligation to warn her, and might very well have jeopardized her own partnership chances (being a senior associate).
Encountering Venomous Frogs and Poisonous Octopus.
[Two holidaying men are lying on the sand of an Australian beach. Despite weeks of lazing in the sun, both men are pale.]
Bruce: My skin itches; a drowsy numbness pains
my limbs, as though in thistles I had rolled:
I was attacked by some venomous frogs.
The vicious things were crazed and remorseless!
Wherefore, I ask, does this odd, mighty land
allow within these foul amphibians?
Kev: That’s nothing. I was just nibbling on some
of this supposedly fine octopus;
but it’s not safe, its poisonous! Therefore,
instead, I go to my everlasting rest,
and shake the taste of indigestible
world-wearying flesh. Eyes, look your last, now.
Have you read Robert Browning’s Soliloquy of the Spanish Cloister? He beat you to making this point.
Gr-r-r — there go, my heart’s abhorrence!
Water your damned flower-pots, do!
Hello all – someone writing comments as “Poohchewie” sent me an email which I tried to respond to, but apparently it bounced. The error message said he wasn’t accepting email from me. Not sure what that means, but Poohchewie, please know that I tried. Maybe you can send me a working email address and I can resend my reply. Will
Very interesting post and I like your analogies.
I do wonder whether your client would behave differently had the 8th year associate not have been so arrogant and confident that she’d make partner.
I don’t disagree that there are a lot of unhappy lawyers or that BigLaw breeds unhappy lawyers. But perhaps the situation you described is more of a result of a competitive system in which the “ultimate prize” is a limited, zero-sum commodity. I don’t think such competitive system is specific to law firms.
Maybe “Black Swan” can serve as a cautionary tale?
Will,
Love your posts. I am a true fan.
I’ve seen the situation you are describing time and time again with whacko litigation partners. It’s almost like by picking the weak outsider to bully, the whacko partner makes the rest of the “team” fear for their lives and kiss his ass even more. I think they call it “group bullying.” It is such a sick method of team building, but the one that litigation partners seem to rely upon the most. I truly believe this is because most BIGLAW partners are actually stupid, insecure, wimps with no sense of self worth outside of the walls of their office. The BIGLAW partner was probably threatened by the star senior associate “outsider” who was probably given the assignment because she was really, really good, and probably because the case was in serious trouble and everyone knew it, including the bully partner.
I think the best advice is to try and avoid assignments from these kinds of Napoleonic partners if you can. Young associates should find out ASAP who is tolerable to work for and try to get as much work as possible from those partners.
For example, there is a notorious asshole partner like you describe at my office. He constantly told me how he was giving x,y, and z assignments to me because associates x, v, and w “tried, but didn’t get it.” For seven years, I drank the kool-aid and skipped down the hall like Stuart Smalley saying to myself, “You’re Good Enough, You’re Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like You.” Then, would you believe it, when said asshole hit a dry-spell, I was able to pick up work from other decent partners and I didn’t need his work to keep me busy. He kept coming into my office to give me his little shitty assignments, and I told him that I was too swamped to work with him (sorry). Then he complained to my other boss that I was refusing to work with him and that he was “hurt.” (translation: she is on to my crap and is trying to avoid me. Oh, WAHHHH…….. ). Eventually, I had no choice but to work for this asshole again, he started “generally” criticizing my work for no reason. . . .in fact, when I asked him what the specific reasons were for the criticism, he really couldn’t articulate them. . .WHAT? I thought for five years I was your smart go-to associate that you got along great with. . . . Suddenly, I am a loser and a moron? Yeah, I don’t think so.
There is no escaping this kind of evil. Well, unless you leave BIGLAW.
Same thing happened to me. The book of business belonging to the partner for whom I was working imploded during the dot-com meltdown in the early-2000s. I saw at least 5 associates in my office laid off because other partners’ books also imploded, so I did the smart thing – I looked for work from those partners who still had it. They were outside my practice group, but staying employed was my priority.
When the partner for whom I originally worked rebuilt his book a couple of years later, I didn’t have the time to work with him anymore. He complained for a while and eventually hired another associate. Unfortunately, this sank my partnership chances at the firm, since I didn’t have a “rabbi” backing me from my own practice group.
Fortunately, one of the partners from whom I worked liked me and set me up with my first in-house gig. Low pay (~60% of my old BIGLAW salary), but it led me to my next in-house gig less than a year later. Salary jumped to ~75% of my old BIGLAW salary. When I left there five years later, my total comp exceeded my old BIGLAW salary – for significantly lower hours in the office (9-to-5 with no weekends). Today, my total comp is even higher with better hours and perks.